Don't Start Over, Start From Here

You don’t need a fresh start to create a new season you need a truthful starting point. We’re digging into the midlife urge to “start over” and why it can feel so tempting after a setback, a career change, divorce, retirement, or just that quiet sense of discomfort that says, “I can’t do this like I used to.” The problem is simple and confronting: wherever you go, there you are. And by midlife, you’re bringing history, wisdom, relationships, and battle scars that don’t disappear just because you change your zip code.

We talk about the real cost of chasing a reset, especially when perfectionism sneaks in and convinces you to wait for the perfect time. Then we shift into what midlife reinvention actually looks like: using what you’ve learned as fuel. Your failures are not a verdict, they’re feedback. Your past is not just weight, it’s evidence that you’ve survived hard things and built skills you can carry forward.

To make it practical, we share coaching questions you can ask yourself right now: What are you trying to get away from? What pattern keeps repeating? What have you learned that deserves to come with you? What do you actually want now? We also introduce our “Start From Here” experiment: Keep, Release, Choose and take one observable step within 48 hours. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review telling us what you’re choosing next.

Episodes referenced:

Retirement Isn’t An Ending; It’s A Redesign Of Purpose, Structure, And Freedom

What If Love Means Letting Go Of Control...Of Your Adult Children

The Power of Pause: Why Rest Matters More Than Hustle

Still Becoming: Expanding the Vision for Your Future Self

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP
midliferevolutionpodcast@gmail.com

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💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
thestacymlewis.com
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🎩Wayne Dawson
viptransformativeliving.com
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Start From Here Not Over

Coach Stacy 0:10

Have you ever reached a point where you thought I just need to start over? New job, relationship, new routine, new city, new business, maybe just a whole new you. But here's the problem. Wherever you go, there you are. And by midlife, you are not starting with a blank page anyway. You've got history, some war wounds, some wisdom, and things you'd absolutely do differently. But you also have experience you had to live through to earn. So maybe the question isn't, how do I start over? Maybe the question is, how do I start from here? That's what we're talking about today.

Season Four Return And Midlife Renewal

Coach Wayne 1:00

You found the midlife revolution unleashed, the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy 1:14

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne 1:31

Stacy, welcome back, Stacy. It's been a while. Where have you been, Stacy?

Coach Stacy 1:38

I have been many a places, and yet I could not be more excited to be here. Welcome back to season four of Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I am Stacy M. Lewis, your midlife women's coach, and I am joined by my partner Coach Wayne. Introduce yourself, Coach Wayne.

Coach Wayne 2:01

Stacy, this is Coach Wayne, the VIP coach, and I'm just thrilled to be back on this here platform with you, my partner Stacy M. Lewis, the magnificent coach. Stacy, this is season four, and we are at episode 99. So pretty soon we'll be, well, we're celebrating that we're here, but we have another celebration coming up at episode 100.

Coach Stacy 2:26

Unbelievable, unbelievable. What a journey. And we want to thank you, our listener, for being on this ride with us. It would not be a podcast without you, the listener. So thank you for being an important member of the Midlife Revolution Unleashed community. And if you are new to Midlife Revolution Unleashed, welcome. We just want to welcome you, welcome you, welcome you. Coach Wayne. Coach Wayne.

Coach Wayne 2:58

This season we are taking it up a notch. We are definitely happy to share with folks concerns around their pain points, about their trials and tribulations and dreams and visions and successes and all of that around the midlife. And midlife for us, as you've always said it, Stacey, is not about resignation, it's about renewal and reinvention. So on today's episode, we're gonna kick that off. We're gonna be talking about maybe you don't need to start over. And what does that bring up for you, Stacy?

Why A Fresh Start Feels So Good

Coach Stacy 3:41

You know, it brings up for me, I recently saw a poll online, and the poll was about as we move into September, recognizing that the summer is winding up. What are the things you're most looking forward to? And the options were a fresh start, slowing down a little bit, getting back into routines, and making new memories. What was unbelievable to me was that at that time 40% of the respondents said a fresh start. So this episode that we are talking about tonight is definitely relevant in particular to our midlife community because you know, maybe we don't need a fresh start. Maybe we need to start where we are. So, Coach Wayne, why do you believe starting over is necessary?

Coach Wayne 4:42

Starting over. I think we don't have to start over. Uh, you know, I believe that sometimes people say they want to start over because it sounds sexier, it sounds like they are, you know, vogue. But but really what we're saying is uh you've had so much ahead of you in the past, or rather behind you that this is an opportunity when you're looking at midlife to use what you have earned and learned and jump off from there, Stacy. So I think it's really an opportunity to call the unlived experience and the wisdom that we've gained to move forward. Yeah.

Coach Stacy 5:33

Yeah, I think that's, you know, when I think about starting over and whether it's a necessity, I think sometimes we feel like that restart will erase what has happened. And we realize that it won't. I love the way you said, you know, sometimes it it sounds sexier, sometimes it also sounds easier, right? To just start from scratch, to, you know, to just begin again. And I found that, you know, sometimes shame or really horrible experiences cause us to want to just say, there's nothing salvageable here. There's nothing that I've gained in this experience, there's nothing that I've learned. And therefore, starting over is necessary.

Coach Wayne 6:31

And sometimes, Stacy, we're trying to become something else, someone new, when all we really need is to show up fully authentic as our true self or real self. And that's not truly about starting over, it's just bringing up the parts of us that we probably have not had held to the light in the past.

Coach Stacy 6:56

Yeah, and it it begs the question, right? Is starting over ever real? Is that is that real? Are you really starting over? You know, there are absolutely times where we feel like a complete beginning, right? That whether it be divorce or retirement, you know, those those moments feel like you're starting over. But I think even in there, there's a little bit of nuance around are we really starting over? Like starting at zero? Is that is that real?

Coach Wayne 7:34

No, unless you're a freshborn baby. I mean, you're bringing to the table, right, scars, you're bringing wisdom, you're bringing relationships in the past, and evidence that you have survived hard things before, and you're growing on that. Well, the flip side of that is the nuance that says you're really never truly starting over at zero unless you're a freshly born babe. Because you're bringing to the table experience, wisdom, scars, battle scars, much discernment, and the relationships that you formed and started, these are evidence, Stacy, that you've survived some hard things before.

The Hidden Cost Of Restarting

Coach Stacy 8:21

Yeah, yeah, I agree. I I think that we also want to recognize that starting over, or even the mindset of like, okay, I'm gonna begin again, has a cost. It can cost us something. You know, are we starting over because we are anticipating or waiting for the perfect time, you know, the perfect moment, the perfect setting, swirling maybe a little bit in that perfectionism that's saying, I'm gonna start over, you know, when whatever.

Coach Wayne 9:03

And and we talk about the cost, you know. Yeah, we're talking about the price that we pay for for dealing with that starting over bit. Sometimes this cost is measured around believing that age means that we're behind, that we are running out of time, that you know, we abandon the things that we're actually working. You know, there's an old saying, old broom sweeps clean, something like that. So, so yeah, and and so we don't want to throw it out for that new broom that doesn't know the corner, Stacey. So that's the cost we sometimes pay when we look at starting over.

Coach Stacy 9:44

Yeah, yeah, we can definitely put it in a position where there's like an impossible standard, right? Like, okay, if I start over, the next version is going to be perfect. It's going to be better, it's going to be bigger. And the reality is that, as I said in the opening, you know, you bring you wherever you are, right? You take you wherever you go. And so I can I can share that there have been times that I've felt like I needed to start over. And there, you know, even now, if there's a setback in my business, yeah, you know, my my mind goes to, okay, I just need to begin again. As if, you know, I haven't coached, as if I haven't developed resources, as if I haven't put the business out there, right? To to begin again would almost mean that all of that is done or for naught or scrapped. And, you know, I think for me, that is some that's an area that I'm still checking myself or coaching myself to make sure that I'm not falling into the like, I need to begin

Your Experience Is Transferable Fuel

Coach Stacy 11:07

again.

Coach Wayne 11:07

Yeah, yeah. And and you know, even if you did, you won't get it perfect. So you might as well run on the gas that you have accumulated in the past. I remember, you know, Stacey, when I was leaving New York to come to Florida. And for over 20 years, I had been involved with none-for-profits and decided to launch into the for-profit corporate world. And I was thinking, my goodness, I gotta start over. And the recruiters who landed me a position in Florida, they said to me, your resume was looked at, and you bring to the table. Yes, you were not in the for-profit world, but you bring to the table a very high level of leadership skill set that's transferable. So you really don't have to start over.

Coach Stacy 11:58

Right.

Coach Wayne 11:58

And that was it. You know, I thought, well, man, it's gonna be so much to go learn this and to do. But sometimes we do that. We we we waste time and energy trying to work through nuances that really don't exist for us.

Coach Stacy 12:17

Yeah, yeah, absolutely right. And that's that's where the possibility is, right? Starting to to committing to shifting our own energy to say, I'm I'm gonna start from here. Yeah. You know, that okay, I've started a couple of times, but but there's been progress in those starts, right? There's there's even the mistakes contain some really good information. They've really given me insight to how I might want to do things differently. And so I think that's that's the possibility shift right there. That I'm not starting again, I'm starting from here and taking everything that I've gleaned, garnered, learned, lost with me in a way that's empowering.

Coach Wayne 13:12

Yeah, your successes and even your failure can be feedback. And so it's important to use that, leverage that, you know, recognizing that you now know where the landmines are, Stacey. So instead of walking and finding yourself blowing up, just start from where you are. Your experience does count. Yeah, your mistakes contain, they contain information, you know. And even what we call failure is also data.

Coach Stacy 13:51

Absolutely. And it's important data, right? Because we get to really look at that and say, okay, why did it fail? It's not just a failure. Why, why did it not work? And so I think that uh one way to look at this is that starting over might ask the question, how do I become somebody different? Yet, you know, starting from here as like you just said, given everything I know now, what do I get to choose

Coaching Questions To Shift Your Path

Coach Stacy 14:29

next?

Coach Wayne 14:29

So, Stacey, we've been talking a little bit about us and some of our experience and around starting over. So, now let's make this about you, the listener. All right. The first question is ask yourself, what are you trying to get away from? Is it something specific or simply a sense of discomfort where you now are? You're running away, you know, what are you tied off? You know, what what patterns do you keep repeating?

Coach Stacy 15:04

Yeah. Yeah, that's that the the patterns definitely, as you phrase that question, what are you trying to get away from? The patterns certainly stuck in my head. Often when when we're coaching, right, we are we're identifying the patterns that a client is experiencing. And so it's an excellent question to make sure that you're asking yourself, what are you trying to get away from? I think another good question for our listener is what have you learned that deserves to come with you? Phrasing it and looking at it in that way says that even as we talked about in the mistakes, in that learning, what are those pieces that deserve to come with you and that you deserve to bring with you, knowing that they are going to the all of that is going to be attributes, not weight, but attributes?

Coach Wayne 16:19

Yes. What parts of you that you have grown into that you didn't have 10 years ago, do you want to keep with you now and move towards in your becoming in the future? You know what part of you will you just not shed?

Coach Stacy 16:39

Yeah, yeah, you're right. I think to remembering what you've survived. Yeah. I don't know about you, Wayne, but I know I've survived some things, right? Right. That's the beauty. That's why we're celebrating the richness of midlife because we have survived some things. And so when we're talking about what have you learned that deserves to come with you, you know, you can couple that with the question to help you build out the answer. You know, what have you survived? What skills and relationships, your faith lessons, what hard-earned truth belongs in your next season?

Coach Wayne 17:22

And there is no shame to the past when you think about the pit holes and the falls that you've had. Because when you talk about survival, that's a strength, that's a skill set, that's resilience. So it's something to hold, you know, as a banner to move forward and not be ashamed of carrying it forward, I think, Stacey.

Coach Stacy 17:45

Yeah, you're absolutely right. I think another good coaching question is what are you carrying only because an older version of you chose it?

Coach Wayne 17:57

Whose voice are you listening to about your definition? Your definition of success, you know, your belief about money, health. Mm-hmm. That old record that's playing in your head.

Coach Stacy 18:12

Yes, the old, the old record. You know how I love that analogy, especially for us midlifers, you know, some of us that that know what a record is, you know, knowing that it just goes around and around and around and really looking at those beliefs about yourself, even, yeah, you know, is that is that from an older version of you that you're really carrying into this new season?

Coach Wayne 18:42

Stacey, as you started talking about that analogy of the record, remember when the record had a scratch and it would just keep playing the same thing over and over and over. You gotta go give it a tap. Well, the same is true, right? We sometimes need to get that tap to move forward because we keep playing the old record of what we the the we should have known ourselves, right? What we should have done, who we were.

Coach Stacy 19:09

Yeah, yes, yes, you have to move the needle, right? That was the whole the whole meaning behind the tap was to move the needle, whether you had to lift it up, right? You had that means, oh, that's a good that means you have to do something, right? Right? We get to decide if we want that, we're just going to allow that negative message, that experience, whatever that is that we're thinking about dragging into this next season with us. We we get to decide whether we're going to lift the needle, whether we're going to check our own headspace, whether we're going to reach out and say, you know, I think I need to dialogue with someone about this. We we get to decide if we're gonna give it a tap or lift the needle.

Coach Wayne 20:03

Yeah. Yeah. How do we enter the new season? Are we bringing the same old self, the same old identity? That's that didn't serve us. That's a big question when it comes to coaching, Stacy. I oftentimes challenge clients when they are in this space where they're indecisive or they say they're feeling stuck. And I found that it's a powerful question to say to clients, and I I ask you, the listener, to ask yourself if there's a behavior or a thinking that you're carrying with you, ask this question, how does it serve me? Or does it serve me still?

Coach Stacy 20:41

Yes, yes. And I think another question to add right after that is to remind yourself of the value of acknowledging what it is you want now. What do I actually want now? Right? Is is am I operating out of a system or a routine that was based on what I wanted then? So as we offer you these coaching questions, what do I actually want now? Is one that we should all, you know, ask ourselves every now and then, because you want to check in and make sure that you're still headed in the direction and your behaviors and your actions are fueling what you want now, not what you wanted then.

Coach Wayne 21:38

But Stacy, that's a very tough question. And as you know, talking to clients, that that's one of the harder questions for them to respond to identifying. We know what we don't want, right? Everybody can tell you what they don't want. We're programmed to say what we don't want. Yeah. What do we want now? Which is just as potent, if not more so. In terms of getting it is the question. And also, I think earlier you talked about it, we're responsible for tapping the needle. So we have the agency to make the change and to demand that we want something else.

Coach Stacy 22:15

Yes, yes. And as you move toward that agency, you know, what given what you know now, what is one thing you are willing to choose? Yeah. Powerful. Yeah. Yeah, we get we get to decide. I love talking about and acknowledging opportunities for agency. And for those of you new to Midlife Revolution Unleashed, Wayne and I are both believers in the Lord. And we always want to bring in just a little nuance. And what's really resonating for me right now, Wayne, is the reminder that God wastes nothing. God wastes nothing. His word says, see, I'm doing a new thing. He wastes nothing. So all of those lessons, mistakes, bad times, you know what I mean? Things that didn't work out the way you want, the money that you realize was wasted, all of that. God wastes nothing. And so may that just encourage you as you ask yourself these questions that we will put in the show notes to help you move through this process of changing, shifting, right? From maybe you don't need to start over, but you get to start where you are.

Coach Wayne 23:56

Stacey, want to just promote that if you have been listening to past episodes or you're new, don't forget to subscribe. It really helps us in terms of getting more of our messages out to the public. So please subscribe, hit that button right now, and follow us. And reminding you that this episode is being brought to you by Stacy M. Lewis, Coaching and Consulting and VIP Transformative Living. So let's get on with it, Stacy.

Coach Stacy 24:30

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

The Keep Release Choose Experiment

Coach Stacy 24:33

So as we talk, as we look at season four, Wayne and I, you know, definitely wanted to keep it fresh. So in many of our segments, you'll start to hear this idea of the midlife experiment. And so we're gonna do the start here from experiment. The start from here experiment. Wayne, you want to walk us through it?

Coach Wayne 24:58

Yeah, we want to offer you something to keep, something to release, and a choice, something to choose. And that is going to be the flow when we get to this segment. And in terms of keeping tonight, what is one thing already present in your life that deserves to come forward? It could be wisdom, a relationship, a habit, a skill set, faith, resilience, or even a dream, something that you want to keep.

Coach Stacy 25:35

Yeah, love that. Release what's maybe one belief or an obligation, a behavior, or an outdated expectation that no longer needs authority. And these are, you know, this keep, release, choose something you should write down. That's that's release that one thing that no longer needs authority.

Coach Wayne 26:06

And so here's the choose part of this experiment, and that is one thing that you want to intentionally move towards now. And uh Stacy, we're gonna hold folks accountable season four, and within the next 48 hours, we're strongly urging you to do something observable that's related to the choose column, right? The choose column. Make us that.

Coach Stacy 26:36

Yes, absolutely. And and feel free to, if you're willing to share what you're choosing to intentionally move forward, share that in the comments, share that with Wayne and I through if you're if you're following us or or listening to us on any podcast platform, there's the opportunity to to send us a message directly through the show notes. And if it's on a social platform, please let us know. What do you what are you choosing? What do you have in that choose column? So as a reminder, there are three columns or three opportunities here: the keep, the release, and the choose. And as Wayne said, within 48 hours, do something observable related to that choice.

Coach Wayne 27:28

Yeah. And it could be as simple as walk for 20 minutes, ask that question that you've been holding back, submit that application, send that email, make the appointment. It's something that is measurable because we can see it, it's observable.

Coach Stacy 27:42

But yes, yes. And the one I like is have the conversation. Yes, ma'am. This has been some good stuff here, Wayne. Good stuff. You know, the goal is not to convince you, our listener, that everything you've lived through was wonderful and that nothing needs to change.

Stop Outrunning Your Past

Coach Stacy 28:10

It's to remind you that you're not beginning from nothing.

Coach Wayne 28:17

Yeah. You're not beginning from nothing. You have the wisdom, you have the evidence, you have the battle scars, you have the choices, you know where the minds are buried. You know, one last revolution question: what becomes possible when you stop treating your past as something you have to outrun.

Coach Stacy 28:42

That's it. That is the question, the revolution question. And that's how we'll be ending season four of Midlife Revolution Unleashed. Don't forget to put your choice in the chat, in the comments, or at least act on it within the next 48 hours.

Coach Wayne 29:05

Yep, yep. Stace, we're out of here next week. And Stace, shall we remind folks that this year or this season we'll be dropping the new episodes on a Tuesday? They can always catch it on their favorite podcast player, or as usual on LinkedIn, on Facebook, and uh we'll be loading stuff up as well on YouTube.

Coach Stacy 29:34

Indeed. It is our joy, honor, and pleasure to share this time with you. I'm hoping that what we've added tonight is value to your life and to your midlife season. It's a season to be celebrated. Stacey, let me hear you close with that familiar.

Coach Wayne 30:01

I'm cheering you on. And I'm Coach Wayne. I'll see you at the top.

Coach Stacy 30:08

Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne 30:14

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy 30:21

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne 30:24

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.