Surviving The Sandwich Season: Boundaries, Help, And Hope

Ever feel like life handed you two full-time jobs—guiding young adults and caring for aging parents—while your own needs get sidelined? We dive straight into the heart of the “sandwich season,” that intense midlife stretch where responsibility, love, and identity collide. With honesty and care, we unpack the exhaustion that sleep can’t fix, the invisible weight carried by the dependable one, and the moment you realize you’ve been saying yes to everyone but yourself.

We share a practical path out of overwhelm: conduct a no-fluff audit of your commitments, define your tradeoffs, and set boundaries that protect time, peace, and energy. You’ll hear how faith and true friends can be anchors, why asking for help is a mark of maturity, and how delegation at home and work strengthens the whole village. From splitting facilitation roles to rotating family care tasks, we offer specific ways to stop heroic soloing and start building a sustainable support net.

This conversation also reframes midlife as saging—distilling wisdom into action. We write down what actually matters, release what doesn’t, and choose a guiding line: power, purpose, peace, and prosperity. The goal is not to withdraw love; it is to love with clarity, so care does not cost you yourself. If you’ve ever said yes and felt instant regret, or if you’re ready to let others step up and grow, you’ll find language, tools, and courage here.

Listen now to claim boundaries without guilt, practice the courage to receive, and design a season that refines rather than breaks you. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with one boundary you’re committing to this week. Your future self will thank you.

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
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🎩Wayne Dawson
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Transcript

Welcome, we're glad you're here

Coach Stacy 0:03

You haven't noticed the more you get your life together, the more people start depending upon you. And then one day you look up and you're taking care of everything and everyone. And quietly wondering, where did I go in all of this? If that sounds familiar, this is the conversation for you.

Coach Wayne 0:31

You found the midlife revolution unleashed, the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy 0:45

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne 1:01

Hello, and it's cold up in this place. You know, Stacy, it's all relative, isn't it? I know folks are having a series of cold weather these last few months, and uh so are we down here in Florida, you know. So what can I tell you? By the time this is aired, Stacy, it will be spring right here in Florida. My name is Coach Wayne, folks, and I help midlife men navigate midlife so that their second half can be their best half. I'm delighted that I am co-anchoring this with my sister, Coach Stacy M. Lewis.

Coach Stacy 1:44

Hi, Stacy. How are you doing tonight, Coach Wayne, who has the audacity to talk about the cold? Welcome everyone to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I am your co-hoach, co-host, Coach Stacy M. Lewis. I'm a nonprofit executive, a midlife woman's coach, and a lover of God and his people. Working on making sure I do that every day. It is always a pleasure to be here with you, Coach Wayne, uh talking about cold weather. What are we talking about tonight, Coach Wayne?

Coach Wayne 2:20

Stacy, today we're talking about that space that a lot of midlifers find themselves in where you are taking care of those above you, the generation above, parents, you know, grands, and you're also caught in the middle of still being responsible for the younger ones, even if they're young adults, but they're yours. And so sometimes we get caught in that in the middle, you know, we call it the sandwich period. And uh the question is who is taking care of us?

Coach Stacy 2:59

That is that is so true. I think one of the interesting things of this season is that we're also really trying to manage our own lives, our own responsibilities, and keep ourselves together at the same time. And so I think that that's what makes it a midlife reality. It's not something we can escape. Um, but what we want to do is make sure that we give tools and tips and coaching techniques to encourage our listener to really care for others, but not lose yourself.

Exhaustion Beyond Sleep

Coach Wayne 3:38

Yeah, and we're saying you can't escape the sandwich if you're responsible and accountable. But sometimes we got our sandwich stacked too high, right? You know what I mean, Stacy? We're going too much on it, and we're saying to tone it down a bit and recognize that you can get exhausted and tired, but this kind of tired that we're talking about is a little bit different, right? It's the kind of tired, it's not, it's not the not have enough sleep kind of tired, Stacy. It's um it's different.

Coach Stacy 4:14

It is this combined physical, mental, emotional exhaustion that sometimes occurs. Things that's something that I've experienced as a member of the sandwich generation um because of all of the weight, all of the responsibility that you're carrying, not only for yourself, um, but for the lives of others. Uh, and so it it is it is a very complex type of exhaustion that is, you know, sometimes you can get a good night's sleep and still wake up bone tired.

Coach Wayne 4:58

You know, Stacy, sometimes I know culturally we operate differently from others. Uh, for example, in in people of color, we typically are owning the responsibility for taking care of our aged and aging parents. And so uh until it gets to a place where we're totally overwhelmed and they need specific kind of medical care. So we we what we do oftentimes we move in with them or have them move in with us, and uh we're not seeking recognition, but we do this because same for those youth or children that are moving on for college, we don't just cut the strings and let them go. Here we go, going to set up for them in the new space, scanning the place to make sure that they can be safe, you know, packing up our car or renting a U. Stacy, it never stops. It never stops.

Culture, Caregiving, And Identity

Coach Stacy 6:03

Yeah, absolutely right. It never stops, and um it is that being the dependable one, right? Being always on, and that comes with a lot of weight. You become reliable, and at the same time, you know, as you are moving into this new identity, you're also struggling or striving or trying to just manage it all, um, and not lose yourself. That's that's the that's the to me the challenging part I can say as someone that has cared for um aging parents and to your point, you know, launching young adults into the world and managing full-time job and business and trying to have a social life, huh? Um, it can really become a lot, and and it definitely challenges the identity and um you lose yourself.

Coach Wayne 7:12

Yeah, you talk about identity. Sometimes we wear that as something that we must do, and and we don't want to be neglectful in terms of our parenting or our role as a supportive member of a family, right? But we should stop and ask ourselves this question, and it's a real question that we need to answer Are we doing too much? Are we caring too much?

Coach Stacy 7:44

And we must answer that question honestly, yes, and and to your point of answering it honestly, to really let that question sit, right? Not not just, am I doing too much? No, I'm not doing too much, and keep it moving, but to to let it sit, and whether you are writing it down or you know, really just thinking about it, uh beginning to identify all that you are doing, whether you put it on paper, like a good old brain dump um or in your phone, to really see, like, oh wow, I I didn't realize how much I was doing and how that could help you really begin to identify. Oh, wait, am I carrying too much? Am I doing too much? It's a great question, Coach Wayne.

Are We Doing Too Much

Coach Wayne 8:36

Stace, you ever had those folk who see you tied up, busy, working at something, and they come and they say, Hey, Stacy, I know you're busy, but so you're saying to yourself, but if you know I'm busy, why bother me? Keep it moving, you know. And we sometimes feel we just have to respond, right? Out of obligation, because we carry that I am the person that uh, especially if you're in a family where you are you have shown that you're most responsible, productive, you get things done. And so, guess what happens, Daisy? If I knew you were gonna get it done, guess who I'm gonna give the responsibility to?

Coach Stacy 9:18

You that that is that is so true, and I couldn't help but chuckle at the I know you're busy, but but what sometimes that's what I want to say, but what it happens on the job, it happens in the family, you know. I know you've got a lot going on, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Coach Wayne 9:48

So this takes us to this place where we have to figure out how do we ground ourselves, and this is a serious question and um a challenge because people are leaning on you at a certain point you're gonna give unless you have something, someone to lean on. So who and what grounds you? How do you lean back when stuff is too heavy a burden?

Coach Stacy 10:26

Yeah, you know, for me, um you always need somewhere to lean, right? Somewhere to land. Um, my faith has definitely been helpful. Um being a single person, um, having that that good, real, true ride or die friend, where you can put it all out there and there is no judgment. Um, that for me has really been, you know, that combination of my faith and um knowing that that God is there, saying, you know, come to me, come, come, you, you know, I I got you. All of you that are are just weighed down and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. And so that faith coupled with that, you know, that bestie, that BFF, that best bruh, whatever y'all call it, um, you know, for me has has enabled me to uh have a spot to land, somewhere to lean. How about you, Coach Wayne?

Obligations And The “Always On” Trap

Coach Wayne 11:40

Well, you know, I can think just recently uh in an environment where I was asked to facilitate a team, and I'm I'm doing this work on a weekly basis, and the team keeps growing, people keep sending people to the team, and it's becoming hard because when we want to, and we're looking at it critically, we're getting feedback. And so I'm also not only facilitating, but I'm doing the recording to give feedback so we can observe it, collecting data, as it were. And so I get a co-facilitator, and he's sitting back chilling, and I had to say, Hey bro, you start taking the notes and you start giving the you know the data uh while I facilitate. Sometimes that's what it takes. Sometimes we have to create uh safety nets for ourselves, boundaries to protect ourselves. And I didn't say no, but I didn't say yes.

Coach Stacy 12:42

Yeah, yeah. No, your your no being your no and your yes being your yes, right? That that boundary um is certainly important. And um that to your point, right? Of you know, you and I have been talking about the the week that we're having with all of the things that we're responsible for. Yeah. And that asking for help, right, is I think an important step. So whether you are you using your faith to ask for help or using that circle around you to ask for help, um, asking for help is important.

Coach Wayne 13:23

Yeah, yeah. And it gets tricky, Stacy. You know, we love our people and I mean collectively, uh, our people, and we love the people around us in terms of family and friends that we care about. But sometimes we lose ourself and perspective. And we have to know when to pull back and say, this sandwich season, um, you know, you could get eaten up, literally. And so there's a time and place that you have to decide on when to put the top piece of the bread on and call it a day you've built enough of that sandwich. Um, we have to be able to do that, and it's hard, but it's about preservation.

Grounding: Faith, Friends, And Support

Coach Stacy 14:13

Yeah, and I love the way we phrase the sandwich season because it's also important to remember that it is just a season. Yeah. While it may feel long, you may be in it, you know, for a month or for a year already, or for a number of years already, it is a season. And we can identify it as a season and engage opportunities and tools to help us manage the season well. You know, Wayne, you started off with the audacity of talking about how cold it is in Florida, as we here in Pennsylvania just finished with another snowstorm, right? For me, it is a season, but it is a season that I'm using shovels, it is a season that I'm putting down ice melt, it is a season that I'm bundling up and wearing my super long, super warm Parker coat. It's a season. And just as this is a season, the season of taking care of both of my parents was just that. And I did realize um at a certain point that yes, I I had lost myself. And, you know, just realizing in the grind, right? Eating all kinds of fast food, gaining weight, all kinds of things happening, right? Not taking the best care of myself because my focus was on caring for them, caring for, you know, my offspring and everything in between as I manage that sandwich. And so giving ourselves permission to say, to ask that question that you shared earlier, giving ourselves permission to acknowledge that it is just a season, that we don't have to do it perfectly, and that we can probably take some things off of our plates, even if we don't want to take those things off of our plates to show ourselves some grace.

Coach Wayne 16:32

Powerful. And don't feel guilty. As a result, say yes because you're feeling guilt to take care of yourself, right? Um, you know, no need to get frustrated, just get real and recognize that you know you have to put the oxygen tank on yourself first, the mask before you're able to respond to other people's needs and pleads around you. Um, it's an opportunity, Coach Stacy, for us to do a little coaching right now. So let's ask our listeners something. When you say yes to everyone else, what are you saying no to for yourself?

Coach Stacy 17:22

I think we should have entitled the episode that question, right? That is such a powerful question. When you say yes to everybody else, where are you saying no to yourself?

Coach Wayne 17:39

Yeah, yeah. Your rest, your peace, your your peace of mind, your time, your energy, because you can't be all things to all people, including yourself. Yeah.

Boundaries And Asking For Help

Coach Stacy 17:51

I agree. Wayne, have you ever said yes to someone? And as soon as the word yes left your lips, you like, what in the world was I thinking? Did I just say yes? Did I just say yes? Has that ever well?

Coach Wayne 18:09

I don't want to incriminate myself, but it's more recent than I want to speak on. For fear that uh someone may be listening in.

Coach Stacy 18:18

It's it's well, we'll so we'll just say it's still happening, right? And that while we uh have worked on our own boundaries and we are sharing these tools and tips with you, our listener, the reality is that these are things that we are still practicing. And I too, Coach Wayne, can relate to a time recently when I said yes, and then immediately I was like, I don't want to do that. Why did I say yes?

Coach Wayne 18:49

Yeah, yeah. And Stacy, sometimes it's not that people are expecting too much of us, it's because we have never drawn the lines for limits, and so it's it's not it's fuzzy, it's not clear. You know, you start a bad habit, so to speak, yeah, now you can't stop it because you've never really drew the line in the sand.

Coach Stacy 19:14

Yes, yeah, and we have to show people, right? We have to show people our limits. They they don't know. I don't know what your limits are, Coach Wayne. You know, and I'm just gonna go and go and go until I've either reached or breached your limits. And so remind yourself that that people are not mind readers or body readers, the majority of them. And so um don't hesitate to articulate your limits. Um, you're not weak when you do that. That we all have limits. There are boundaries, you know, to our emotional, physical uh level of endurance and exhaustion for a reason. Um, and your love should not require you to disappear. You should be able to share what your limits are in a way that is loving and lovable.

Coach Wayne 20:17

Yeah, and this is the part that we really need for people to take home and hear and understand that this spirit is not your end, it's a shift, you know, it's it's about redefining, reframing, reimagining. And so understanding that, recognize that it's an opportunity to weigh and balance the load you carry. And you know, we always preach and say that at midlife you should understand not only what you don't want, but what you do want, and start crafting that for yourself.

A Season is Not Forever: Self-Compassion

Coach Stacy 20:58

Yes, yes, yes, that is that is part of the saging, right? It is identifying um what you want, identifying what matters to you, and writing that down, beginning to put that stake in the ground. And it doesn't mean that uh because you've identified it, it it automatically puts the kibos or or halts the processes of what you're doing now. But it is that naming it, right? Calling that thing out, like this is important to me. Um, and I have to find a way. And whether you're in communication, right, we have to find a way to help make the shift.

Coach Wayne 21:49

Yeah, yeah. You look at everything that you have learned and earned and and and and yearned for, um, is it's an opportunity to put that all together. Right. And to make that shift that you talked about, Stacy, it's time to build and from it. And you know, seize the opportunity of being a giver to sometimes learning that it's a blessing to also receive.

Speaker 1 22:19

Yeah.

Coach Wayne 22:20

The greatest gift we can receive is the one we give ourselves, the gift of space and grace, so that we're not always in this sandwich season feeling stretched. You know what happens when you stretch a thing from both ends and you keep stretching from both ends? Imagine, just do that.

Coach Stacy 22:39

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I would imagine at some point it breaks. It has to break. It has to break. And so what if this season isn't here to break you? What if it's here to refine you? You, Coach Wayne, talked about all of this saging, right? We have done, all that we have learned, all the knowledge that we have amassed, the life's experience, what we've lived. Um and all of that, right, helps us take this season and allow it to refine us. And so the the question is, what if the season isn't here to break you? What if it's here to refine you?

The Power Of No And Tradeoffs

Coach Wayne 23:31

Yeah. And to my brothers especially, ask for help. It's not a crime to say you need some help. So it shows, to be honest, it shows uh, I think a level of intellectual maturity to know when to stop and say, hey, I need some help. And so ask for help and um, you know, lead a little bit differently. Delegate. Sometimes you can do that, even within a family. You don't have to delegate only in the office. Uh, you may have someone else who who has gone to college before your last child, for example, if that's applicable. You can delegate some of the responsibility of college life, you know, navigation to that person so that you can relax a little bit.

Coach Stacy 24:26

Yeah, you and I think in that we get to look at it as an opportunity, not just an opportunity for us to, you know, maybe be able to sit down and have a cup of tea or a cup of, you know, a beer or whatever your jam is, um, but an opportunity to allow someone else to step up, to allow someone else to grow. Um, you're thinking about this sandwich generation and in my experiences of caring for my parents, um, you know, I can vividly recall times when my son, who was, I don't know, I don't know how old he was. You know, he wasn't little, little, but he wasn't fully launched um in the beginning. Um, but him asking, like, okay, is there anything I can do? And, you know, the nate our nature, I think, as as adults, as midlife people, as responsible people, is to say, no, I got this. We talked about that in another episode, right? I've I've got this. It's it's okay. Um, and I had to remind myself that you know, this is the opportunity for him not just to be a part of caring for his grandparents, but to learn, yes, right, that your elders need to be cared for. Yes. And um, so to see it as an opportunity not only to get the help, the support that you need, but to also allow someone else to grow and step up and feel a part of the process.

Teaching Limits And Clear Lines

Coach Wayne 26:15

Yeah. Excuse me. And to your point, you know, your son wanting to step in. When we learn that giving is not always about leaving from us, but also opening up so that we can receive what others want to give to us. Uh, we're given a gift of making someone else feel a sense of contribution. And we have not quite mastered that, oftentimes, even at midlife. Uh, you know, we close out. Um, my elder sister, not Delane, that joins us. Um, she's always, as the eldest one in the family, been the one that gives and takes care of everybody and does all this. And she's uncomfortable sometimes when she's visiting with me, and I say, Come on, I'll take you to the store. And um, we go and I hurry up and put my card. She's like, No, no, I don't. But I feel so gratified, so good to know that after all these decades of my sister looking out for me, you know, I can say to her, put it away. I got it. Mm-hmm. You know, that makes me feel so good. And sometimes we we we are hard up on the receiving end to accept the gifts of others.

Reframing Midlife Wants And Shifts

Coach Stacy 27:41

Yeah, yeah. I think in uh uh future episode, not too far in the distance, we'll talk about uh some of the impact of birth order, right? And so that that older, uh, your oldest sister, right? They they that being the oldest, you just, you know, you've got that kind of probably tendency or training or expectations that um were there. And the reality is that as we talk about um being part of the sandwich generation or the sandwich season or just this midlife reality of caring for everyone without losing yourself, um, we were not designed to do it all on our own. Uh, and so when we look at the basic instruction before leaving Earth, aka the Bible, uh, you know, there's definitely scripture that refers to, you know, you doing all the work um is not the design. You you are not supposed to handle this alone. And so uh even leaders were not meant to carry everything alone. A leader with no followers is just walking. So we really need to make sure that we are um kind of living in a way that we are prioritizing, not losing ourselves and helping others engage in opportunities so that they could be supportive.

Coach Wayne 29:19

Yeah, and if you find yourself in the sandwich season right now, know fully well that you're not alone. Lots and lots of folks are right there right now, and you have to make the decision that if you're gonna be really any use to yourself and avoid burnout, you have to say no, you have to moderate, you have to be able to lean on someone or somewhere during times of demand on yourself. And and again, uh recognize that because you have a family member that may be in your mind off need, you don't have to be the one that feels that need.

Coach Stacy 30:05

Yes, yes, and and as you do that to connect with your boundaries, to understand your boundaries or identify new ones, you know, to have those honest conversations so that you can actively choose yourself, not selfishly, but actively choose yourself and not get lost in this process of being in the sandwich season.

Coach Wayne 30:37

Yeah, Stace. We say choose at this time power, purpose, peace, and prosperity. That's that's the order of the day at this stage. You have earned it, yeah, you deserve it. Stacy, sir, as we wrap up, you know, I want to tell the good folks where to get some really A1 coaching. And so I'm looking at you because I need for you to let folks know that you're available for that stuff. And how do they find you, Miss Stace?

Space, Grace, And Not Breaking

Coach Stacy 31:14

It would be my heart's pleasure to connect with midlife women in a way that they sense that they have a power partner to move through this seasoning season tapped into their confidence, their power, um, and and ready to really live their dreams. Uh, I can be found at the stacymlewis.com. If you are checking us out on the podcast players or on any social media platform, our contact is always in the show notes. What about you, Coach Wayne?

Coach Wayne 31:53

Hey, go to my site, VIP Transformative Living.com, and check on my handles there. There's social media handles there, plenty of them. Uh, send me a DM or just reach out on whatever platform you choose and prefer. Holler to your man. There we go.

Coach Stacy 32:13

Stacy holler, holler. I would say, Wayne, in closing, um, this is not the end of your story. And while you might be holding the pressure or the weight of being in this season of life where you feel sandwiched, know that you still have more life to live and that we are here so that you don't lose sight of yourself. I'm Stacy. I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne 32:50

And I'm Coach Wayne, and guess what? I'll see you at the top.

Coach Stacy 32:57

Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne 33:03

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy 33:10

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne 33:12

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.