Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Masks Off, Peace On

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson • Season 3 • Episode 78

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We explore what happens when you look capable but feel empty, and how to treat burnout as feedback rather than failure. We move from proving to discerning in midlife, making peace a planned value and rest a wise choice.

In this episode we'll cover:

• calling out the “I’m fine” mask and high‑functioning anxiety
• gender and cultural scripts that drive overwork
• resilience versus self‑abandonment as distinct paths
• body signals of burnout and why rest won’t stick
• reframing peace as intentional, not a reward
• midlife shift from proving to discerning what serves
• practical tools: naps, boundaries, journaling prompts
• seven types of rest and how to choose
• faith‑grounded limits and affirmations that protect worth
• how to connect with coaches for tailored support

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode!

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
🌍 thestacymlewis.com
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🎩Wayne Dawson
🌍 viptransformativeliving.com
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Coach Wayne:

You're the one people count on. You show up, you get it done. But when was the last time you felt peaceful, not productive, not proud? Today, we're talking about what happens when you're high functioning on the outside, but low on peace on the inside. And why burnout isn't a weakness, it's a signal. You found the midlife revolution unleashed, the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy:

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne:

Hey, hey, welcome back to Midlife Revolution Unleashed, where we have honest conversations about identity, leadership, purpose, and what's next in midlife. Today's episode is for the capable, dependable, accomplished, and those who look fine but feel overwhelmed. Stacey, good afternoon, good night, good morning to everybody else. But hello, Stace. How are you?

Coach Stacy:

I'm doing, doing, doing, doing really well, Coach Wayne. Uh, it is always a joy to share this space with you and our listener. Welcome to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I am Coach Stacey M. Lewis, where I serve as a nonprofit executive and a midlife woman's coach and a lover of God and his people almost days. And I'm always honored to be here with my partner in podcasting. Crime, maybe? Uh, I don't know. Uh, Coach Wayne, introduce yourself to the people.

Coach Wayne:

Stace, I look forward to these days when we get together and we can just chop it up with the folk because uh it does something for me. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach. I work with midlife men, Stace, and I help them to navigate midlife so that their second half can be their best half. Stacy.

Coach Stacy:

Sir.

Coach Wayne:

Still a little cold on the outside, but I know it's warm on the inside here, and we're gonna warm it up for folk who are paying attention. Stacey, there are a lot of people walking around wearing masks. Did you notice? What is that about, Stacy?

Coach Stacy:

Well, it's so interesting, Wayne. I mean, you know, you and I, I think we both have the lived experience of walking around and answering that good old age-old question of, how are you doing today? With I'm fine or I'm okay. And the reality is we're not. Um, sometimes we're a little stressed out, we're operating from this mindset or this place where we feel like we have to put on the mask of I'm okay. And today we're here to dispel that.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. Stacey, you know, we both work with some high-functioning folks. And what I've found working with the fellas, a lot of times the higher they go, the more mask they seem to wear along the way. They are high functioning, but they're not necessarily healthy on the inside in terms of the mindset and what else is going on. Uh, there's more anxiety a lot of times, and more worry, and just they're at a stage where the responsibility is like hyper, Stacey.

Coach Stacy:

Well, and we've both been in leadership in our career, in our businesses, and have operated on occasion from that very place of I need to be strong, I don't complain, I keep going. One of the things I said to my email community um recently is you don't have to wear the cape, right? That super woman cape. And so often, whether it be because of culture or because of generation, uh, women at least are often feeling at this phase like I need to wear the cape and just push through this feeling of burnout, of exhaustion, of overwhelm.

Coach Wayne:

You know, Stace, that's such an important point, the gender issue that you raised. And I wonder with men, we oftentimes burn out as well. And we seek it. Well, unlike women, I think, Stacey, you could correct me, we don't ask for help. So we just wear the mask and pretend all is well, thinking that it is a shield to say that we work so hard and we're burned out. Shield of honor.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, it's it's definitely a shield. I I think that we tell ourselves it's a shield of honor, but the reality is is it's just a shield. It's just shielding what is realistically happening in our mindset and sometimes and even in our body. And we'll talk about that um in a little bit, but we do believe that it's important to name the experience, right? To acknowledge what is currently happening.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. We generationally have seen that people of color tend to go with the mantra, I gotta work twice as hard to get to get half the recognition. And we also go with these fallacies of, you know, man up or be strong, don't complain, uh, keep it going, you know, burn the midnight oil. Those are things that stack up, you know, in terms of responsibilities and duress and may look pretty impressive on the outside while the inside is shrinking.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, and we have to ask ourselves: where in life am I functioning well, right? Doing well, performing well, uh, but really feeling an emptiness or a tension or even a disconnect.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. Stace, I see it all the time. You know, I'm working right now with uh one gentleman, and I had to literally break his arm to have him go on vacation with his family. And he was going and said, Oh, it's gonna be cool because where he's going up in the mountains, he'll get a chance to knock off a project. And I'm like, bro, that's that's totally wrong. You're doing this takeaway with your family, so you can be with your family. It's not ideal to work on the project, the project should just wait. We're so conditioned, Stacy.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, so conditioned. And I'm I'm glad that he has you as a coach to begin to work with him, right? To partner with him to shift that that thinking. Let's say good evening, hello, good afternoon to Delane. It is always good to see you, Delane. Welcome to Midlife Revolution Unleashed.

Coach Wayne:

It's freezing over there in Canada, Stacey. Uh, we gotta let Delane stay online cannot bring that cold with us.

Coach Stacy:

Well, you know, I'm in Pennsylvania, so I don't know if it's any warmer than it is in Canada right now. So cold people in the coal unite. We must unite.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, is there a difference in your mind between self-reliance or or resilience rather and self-abandonment?

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. Um resilience is the ability to bounce back, but to do so authentically, in the mindset, you've bounced back physically, you've bounced back, you've taken on what the lesson or the nugget might be from the experience or the experiences, and you're moving forward. Self-abandonment, I think I would almost identify the synonym of disconnect, right? Where you really begin to separate yourself or ignore what it is you're feeling, what it is you're experiencing, almost as if it is a part of you that you no longer want to pay any attention to. So you literally abandon it and give it no attention, no time, no thought. What do you think, Wayne?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and Stacey, I'll tell you the truth. Uh, from from personal experience, I'm gonna share here. I know that um building up that um self-abandonment by not really paying attention and just pushing, you know, uh you raise anxiety to a level. And when it gets to a certain level, optimally, you know, uh the body can't take no more. There's a mind-body connection. Somatically you start feeling ill. Oftentimes you feel it in your shoulders, the anxiety, you feel it in your stomach, you know, tight shoulders, stomach, shallow breathing, fatigue, uh, irritability. And I've I've come to recognize, Stace, that really the older I get, uh, the more I really need peace. And and this is counterintuitive, right? So to your point, uh, I gotta shed some of that extra burden and seek for peace and not be, you know, tough guy outside wearing that mask and just ask for help, which which I've done. And uh it was a wonderful relief for me, Stacy.

Coach Stacy:

I think that that's an excellent example because we can fall into the habit, so to speak, of making the words, I'm okay, a reflex or a reaction, not necessarily coming from a place of reality that I really am okay, but it is just the thing we say. And it's important for us to recognize that the mask can be disguised, uh, can be disguised anxiety, it can be disguised fear, and that that disguise often reveals itself as over-preparing or overthinking or over-sharing, over-giving, or overworking, just pressing, pressing, pressing into the domain of overwhelm, right? Of overwhelm and continuing to answer, I'm okay.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. A coaching question would be: what am I protecting people from seeing about me? And and why? Why am I doing this? What's driving us from not taking that mask off?

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I start, I started to actually process that question. I think it is a powerful um question and one that I hope our listener really takes to takes to heart. And uh, whether you journal about it or you make a couple of notes in your phone, um, whatever that is, really identifying um what you're protecting people from seeing, uh, right? That goes back to uh the lack of authenticity or the the reality of wearing a true mask so that people don't see what's going on and why do you wear that mask?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. And it's arguable with Stacey that sometimes it's unconscious. People are just running so much that they're on fumes and they don't recognize it. But here are some signs that you can tell that you're running on fumes. Uh, you're productive, but you find no joy in productivity. See, sometimes we get so busy, we just got to keep the calendar busy, but even then we're not productive. So you can be productive without feeling joy, and you can be busy and really not productive just because uh you want to put on that mask. Um, and then there's sometimes rest doesn't feel restful. You know, a lot of folks that I work with, high achievers, one of their main concerns is they cannot sleep at night.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, no, and and sleep is so critical to our overall health. I agree with you, Wayne, that that rest, right? Going, putting your head on the pillow, but then feeling like in the morning that you didn't get enough sleep. You're just not getting enough rest. Um, I would add to that list that sometimes we begin to feel extremely and easily overwhelmed by the smallest little thing. So often, you know, that that tipping point, that one thing, that straw that breaks the camel's back, just turns or sends you into an overwhelmed tizzy.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and you know, I was told in the past by two wise men, my brother-in-laws, don't sweat the small stuff, Wayne. And it's all small stuff. Who knew? Right, Stacey. And you know, Coach Stacy, sometimes we I see it in my practice that folks fantasize about disappearing, just yeah, not not dying now, Stacy. Correct, right, right, right. Yeah.

Coach Stacy:

Mm-hmm. No, you know, Wayne, um, believing that we are created in the image of God, it's important to remind ourselves that the way we are designed includes limits, it includes those boundaries, it includes paying attention to what is happening, not just externally, but internally, and not ignoring them. There's no nobility in ignoring what's going on inside. We were designed to acknowledge, to have limits, and to make sure that we're protecting or stewarding um our boundaries and our limits in a way that is healthy.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. Coach, withdrawal is not weakness. I gotta say it again for the brothers in the back. Withdrawal is not weakness, right? Burnout is not failure, it's feedback. And withdrawal is wisdom.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, there's some sisters in the back too, don't worry. Um, and I would, you know, remind us again from a um a biblical basic instruction before leaving earth perspective is that, you know, even Christ would separate himself from the three, from the twelve, from the crowds, recognizing that those that opportunity to just be, right? To your point, not even disappear, just be, be with your own thoughts, in your own space. That is another example uh that we get to glean from um as as believers in Christ, really just saying, like, oh, yeah, it's it's the way we are designed to have limits and to be able to separate ourselves sometime.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. Stacey made a very valid point, right? If if our exemplar could do it, why can't we? Now here's the thing: we have to reframe what peace feels and looks like. You know, peace is not something we earn, Stacy. In other words, you don't have to run raggedy and say, okay, now I'm need I need a break. No, no, no. Peace is intentional. You plan it just like you would schedule in your in your book, Stace, and put a block of time for working hard. You got to block that time for peace so that you can cope better rather than feel like you have to to run around raggedy.

Coach Stacy:

I'm sorry. Raggedy. Every time you say you say raggedy, I get a little chuckle in my spirit. No, we don't we don't want to run around raggedy. The one of the things that I had to shift within my own self was the reminder that high standards don't equate to me having to be highly critical of myself. Um, you know, I can vividly recall seasons where because I'm, you know, a pretty high performer, have an executive role and a lot of responsibility, and setting these high standards for myself and being just as critical of myself when either I felt like I missed the mark or I it didn't go the way I expected, and therefore it must have been something that I had done. Um, and I think it's great to examine ourselves. Let me be clear, it's great to examine ourselves, but I'm talking about when we have these high standards and fall into a pattern of high self-criticism. That is not a good pattern.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. And we know that the benefits of midlife, apart from the wrinkles that we get, is to make sure that we are in a place for discerning, not proving. Right? Uh, no, at 40, 45, 50, 55, and over. There's no proving of anything. You've done the walk. Now you can just use discernment to figure out where you don't want to go and what you don't want to do because it's not serving you anymore. So no need to wear the mask. If it's time for a break, take the break. If you need help, get help and uh and and unleash some of the extra stress that we we carry that we don't have to, Stacy.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. We have the option and have earned the right to reframe, right? To take, I should be able to handle this again. That self-criticism to what support would make this sustainable?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. I'll rest when I need rest. You know, we should say that we should own that, you know. Uh stays, I I I decided to start carrying around a pillow with me, you know, everywhere I go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the meeting is too long, I'm gonna go out and get me a little rest. Now, on a serious note, Stacy, I uh had a full day uh Monday. It was one of the colder days here in South Florida. We were talking about it went down to 30 degrees at night. And for whatever reason, the office had no heat. Um, maybe they weren't expecting the winter in Florida, and so between clients, Stacey, I went down to my car. Turn on the heat and took some rest. It was so comfortable, Stacy. I snoozed off and got up just in time to run up and catch a client. So, hey, listen, don't seek permission. Get your rest when you have to.

Coach Stacy:

That that is absolutely right. And I don't know about you, Wayne, but I do know a couple of sisters that I would hold in the high regard because they are consistent nappers. They make time for naps. They are there's no shame about like, nope, I need a nap, or I'm going to take my nap, and then I'll deal with that. Um, because they've begun to honor, right? To honor themselves in a way that says, I'll rest because I need rest and I'm going to make the time, not let the deliverables or the demands or the expectations determine if I take a nap. I'm going to take a nap. And all things will wait the 20 minutes, the 30 minutes, the 50 minutes, whatever their nap zone is. And when I tell you they are consistent and there is no shame, no hesitancy of saying, I can't do, I cannot meet with you then. That is that I will be taking a nap.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, no, you're touching on something that's really funny but true. I think there's a book out about nap therapy. And it talks about the need to kind of uh regroup during the course of your day and grab a nap. Uh, they're talking about you know, something as as tiny in a window of just 20 minutes can totally reset you and re-energize you to get going.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. Delane says, uh, you know, it's so needed that we all need some alone time for our well-being and for our relationships. How often do we see people in overwhelm? And their overwhelm just spills out into the relationship, into the meeting, into the situation. And so it is so critical for us to identify um what we need. And a good question would be: what would change if peace became a non-negotiable value? Not a reward, but a non-negotiable value. My peace is non-negotiable. What would change if peace became a non-negotiable value? And hello, Janine. Welcome to Midlife Revolution Unleashed.

Coach Wayne:

Oh, yeah, Lady JC. Great. She takes 20-minute naps and they recharge her.

Coach Stacy:

You see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying? The sisters know. Some of the sisters just know I need a nap.

Coach Wayne:

That's a whole nother show, Stacey. Our fellas are feeling like they gotta compete. And so you figure if you take 20 minutes nap, that other dude is 20 minutes ahead of you.

Coach Stacy:

Oh wow. Yeah, but maybe he'll burn out 20 minutes before you do.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah.

Coach Stacy:

Right. So again, we get to reframe the thinking. Yeah, that's the gift. We've learned from experience that just because someone has a little bit of a head start doesn't mean that they're gonna finish ahead of you.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, yeah. Stacey, I would say that there are some key takeaways today. One is that burnt burnout isn't weakness, it's information, right? Feedback. And high functioning anxiety often hides behind praise and performance.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, peace requires a little permission. Uh, peace requires boundaries, and peace requires honesty.

Coach Wayne:

And Stace, we don't have to be moving down the road like some old Jalape, bouncing around, falling apart before we tend to ourselves. We just need to draw the brakes, take uh pit stop, and do some self-care, tend to ourselves.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. We can we can rest or grab hold of uh a declaration or an affirmation, like I'm allowed to pause without losing my value.

Coach Wayne:

How about my worth is not measured by how much I carry?

Coach Stacy:

Hmm, I agree, and I would add, peace is part of my calling, not a distraction from it.

Coach Wayne:

Stacy, I know you throw some scripture in from time to time. Um, this would be a good time.

Coach Stacy:

All right. Well, I would go with a little bit of Matthew. Come to me, all who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Coach Wayne:

Running on fumes, Stacy. That's right.

Coach Stacy:

Let's stop trying to carry it all.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, you know, I would say, Chase, you know, I'm the journal guy, and I would ask folks to start journaling uh and and asking yourself, where am I overfunctioning? You know, what am I afraid would happen if I slowed down? Just speak to yourself, write it down, or or speak it into some sort of recording device, but get it down.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I and take a few minutes to say, you know, what kind of rest? You and I did an excellent episode on the seven types of rest, as framed by Dr. Sandra Sandra Dalton Smith, I believe it is. And to ask ourselves, what kind of rest am I actually craving right now? It could be just a rest from social media or a rest from you know, some of the people in your household. You just need a moment to step away, as we talked about before. We burden ourselves to meet other people's expectations. And so we deny ourselves the time for self-care and self-focus. That is so well said, Delane. Powerful.

Coach Wayne:

And Stacey, let us remind folks that your body doesn't lie. It's giving you signals, it's speaking to you. So if you are having a persistent headache, if you're having pain in your shoulder, if if if if your tension in your body is of such, if your stomach is having knots, those are signs, good people, to pull back and take stock of how you're doing and what you're doing.

Coach Stacy:

Agreed. I would say if this episode spoke to you, called you out, maybe stepped on your toes a little bit, reminded you that it might be time for some support. I encourage you to reach out to one of your friendly midlife revolution unleashed coaches. We are here to serve as power partners. You always know that we want to make ourselves available really just to add value to support you in ways that help you move forward.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, yeah. Stacy, how do the good people find the great coach?

Coach Stacy:

Well, they the the great coach of me.

Coach Wayne:

Yes, me.

Coach Stacy:

Thanks, Wayne. Um, I can be reached if you if you're streaming this on LinkedIn or Facebook, then you know how to reach me through the DMs. Uh, my website is the T-H-E, StacyMlewis.com. I would love to hear from you, even if it's just to say that episode blessed me.

Coach Wayne:

Yep, Stacey. Wayne, I'm gonna listen, just drop a brother a quick line and I'll holla at you. I'll make sure that we get some one-on-one time just to see where you're at. And if you don't have time for that, just say, Wayne, please let me have that assessment. I'll drop the assessment on you and you'll get a sense of where you are.

Coach Stacy:

I love it. I would remind our community, you don't have to stop being capable to start being cared for, and you don't have to fall apart to choose peace. Thanks so much for joining us on Midlife Revolution Unleashed. See ya, Coach Wayne.

Coach Wayne:

Yes, this are you gonna what are you gonna do with the people, Stacy? What are you gonna do?

Coach Stacy:

I'm cheering them on. That's what I'm doing. What are you gonna do?

Coach Wayne:

You know what? I think I'm gonna see them at the top.

Coach Stacy:

There you go. Bye for now. Bye, y'all. Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne:

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy:

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.

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