Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Clarity Over Chaos In Midlife

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson • Season 3 • Episode 76

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When everything feels urgent, clarity gets drowned out by noise. We open the door to a calmer way of deciding by naming what midlife really brings: decision fatigue, layered roles, comparison traps, and the pressure to have it all figured out. Instead of pushing harder, we choose more honestly—and that shift turns scattered effort into focused momentum.

We dig into the hidden costs of saying yes by default and the relief that comes from setting clean boundaries. Career plateaus get a fresh lens: sometimes a steady ridge is the perfect place to pivot, reclaim health, or invest in relationships. We also talk candidly about shame, regret, and the “shoulds” that keep smart people stuck. You’ll hear a practical three-question clarity framework you can use today: identify the decision draining your energy, name the tradeoff behind every yes, and ask what would change in ninety days if you chose boldly. These questions cut through noise in careers, relationships, health, and money because they focus on alignment and agency.

You’ll also learn why leadership is private before it’s public, how micro decisions compound into confidence, and what it means to sage rather than simply age. We share coaching stories—like navigating job loss in an AI-shifting market—that show how to move from victim language to possibility thinking. The goal is not perfect answers; it’s better questions, cleaner choices, and a stronger, more present you. If you’ve felt overwhelmed, behind, or unsure of your next step, this conversation offers tools and a tone that respects your wisdom and meets you where you are.

Subscribe, share this with a friend who feels stuck, and leave a review with the one decision you’re committed to making this week. Your clarity might be the spark someone else needs.

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
🌍 thestacymlewis.com
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🎩Wayne Dawson
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Coach Wayne:

Right now, many of you are making decisions every single day about your career, your relationships, your health, your money, yet still feeling more confused than confident. Not because you're broken, but because chaos has been louder than clarity.

Coach Stacy:

And in midlife, when everything feels urgent, it's easy to make to take mistake motion for progress, right? And today we're slowing things down, taking a little breath, so you can finally hear what matters. Let's talk about it.

Coach Wayne:

You found the midlife revolution unleashed, the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy:

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne:

Stay safe. I understand, Stacy, that uh you belong to the part of the world that's about to freeze up this weekend.

Coach Stacy:

Well, I will welcome everyone to the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I am your co-host, Stacey M. Lewis, where yes, I dwell on the East Coast and we are expecting a big storm. Welcome to winter.

Coach Wayne:

Well, let's keep the people warm tonight, Stace, because we're gonna give them some information that they can use to get better. And my name, by the way, is Coach Wayne. Wayne Dawson, the VIP coach. I work with midlife men so that their second half can be their best half. Stace. Sir. What we've got tonight on the board.

Coach Stacy:

Well, I first want to say, hey, Delane. Always good to see you. Hope you are. Thank you so much for joining us. On tonight's episode, we are really talking about choosing clarity over chaos and learning how to lead your life again, as opposed to the chaos uh of day-to-day driving it forward. That's what we're talking about today, Wing.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. Stacy, you know, as we get to midlife, sometimes we make things feel more urgent, like we are in a rush to get things done. And I I wanna I want to ask folk listening in, what makes midlife seem so urgent? Why is the noise apparently a little bit louder when we get to midlife, Stacy?

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I think Wayne, there's so much going on, coming at us, expected from us. Um, you know, we're managing decision fatigue often, uh, thinking about the multiple identities that we have in midlife colliding. Uh, sometimes it's it's our career. Uh, and and like, are we at the plateau of our career? Uh and how does that align or collide with family needs and aging parents and health and even dreams?

Coach Wayne:

You talk about decision fatigue, Stacey, and um, you know, we are always making decisions or in a position to, but if we have too many things on the table, then it's like pushing everybody through a small door stace, and eventually it becomes humbug. And so I think when it comes to midlife, if we don't streamline our thinking and what is important, now you know some things are important, not urgent, others are urgent, not important, but you want to get those that are both. And you have to, as we always talk about, Stacy, have some sense of discernment as we order ourselves in midlife.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I think there's also the emotional overload that happens um, you know, at midlife just because of the many things that are going on. Um, you know, I don't know about you, Coach Wayne, but I know that I've uh had the honor of coaching a couple of women that were kind of questioning who they are and where they are now. Um, so dealing with that identity confusion. And this one I've had to face myself is that pressure to have it all figured out or have it all together because I'm a certain age. Um, those self-expectations that um kind of block me to, you know, to making from making good decisions or decisions quickly.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, some of this that you're talking about, identity confusion and the decision fatigue brings about um worry, brings about fear, brings about negative self-talk. And at midlife, uh, who don't we know that has one or two or several of these things happening with them, right? So that clouts up the mind, all of this. And you can't truly be clear if you're dealing with all of this junk.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah. When when everything feels important, or to your earlier reference of kind of coming at you at the same time, nothing feels clear, nothing at all.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, I like clarity because it helps me uh um sort myself out. And when it comes to making decisions, I was told once that you're a decision away from your reality and your outcome. And so at midlife, we oftentimes think about resignation, you know, with we're oh poor me, I can't do more. I'm too old. You've heard that. I can't learn, I can't go back to school. And we get muddled up in those ideas of what's not possible. But I think once we get clear on who we are, and we always talk about alignment, alignment with our purpose, our God-given purpose, Stacey. That clarity helps us to thrust and move forward.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, I I, you know, what what Delane is saying here is just so powerful. And I've certainly spoken to a number of women uh that have experienced the the same thing around this age, right? It's that sometimes it is because we take stock of where we are and we compare. You and I talk about comparison often, right? Not just the external comparison, but the internal comparison. We compare to what our dreams are, and we then feel that we fallen short. Yeah, and it is it is that comparison that also blocks or clouds our clarity, right? Because the reality is that we haven't fallen short, and sometimes we're we're not where we thought we would be, but where we are is actually not too daggone bad.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and Stacey knows sometimes the noise which comes in through social media, the news, uh what other people say or don't say, that's noise. We have to learn to, as it were, strain off the noise, Stacey, and create boundaries if we want to just be clear, don't you think?

Coach Stacy:

I do think um we Wayne and I, you know, outlined a couple of questions, right? Because so often, and this is, I'm sure, what we both encounter um as coaches and as as humans in this midlife season, right? And and as we work to distinguish the noise from the the true direction and kind of the external pressure from the internal truth, um we've highlighted some questions that you get to ask yourself. So if you're in the position to maybe write one or two of them down so that if you don't think about it while we're talking about it, you get to think about it afterwards. We highly recommend that. And one of those questions is what decision is currently draining my energy most, right? We're looking at moving toward clarity, so let's identify what the decision is that's currently draining your energy most.

Coach Wayne:

Hit them with number two, Stacey. Go ahead. You're on the road.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, all right, sir. Uh another question is this is a good one, too. If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? Because we want to make sure that we are not in the habit of saying yes, yes, yes, amassing, taking on more weight, taking on more water sometime, uh, and not thinking about the cost. So if I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?

Coach Wayne:

How about this one, Stacey, for measure? Is this aligned with who I am becoming or who I'm afraid to disappoint?

Coach Stacy:

Hmm. Who I'm afraid to disappoint. And that includes ourselves, right? We have to make sure that we're including ourselves in that equation. Am I afraid of disappointing myself? Am I gonna somehow feel disappointed in myself um as I make this decision? Um, I love that question as well.

Coach Wayne:

And say no doubt, decision making uh speaks to our role as leaders. And again, some people will say, Well, I'm not a boss, but you're the boss of yourself, right? So you're a leader no matter where you how you cut it. And so uh having clarity helps in terms of decision making, it also helps in terms of identity formation, right? Knowing where you're going by understanding clearly who you are and whom you are. So I think uh we want to help folks go through some real exercises as we get into the meat of the matter today with clarity over chaos.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. Clarity doesn't come from thinking harder, it comes from choosing more honestly. And to your point or use of the word align, I think that's what helps us choose more honestly.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, there's some stuck points, uh, Stacey, for a lot of us. My clients, you know, they get stuck with uh areas emotional and psychological bottlenecks, right? Areas uh the mess in the middle. We call it the mess in the middle because oftentimes in midlife we have career plateauing, right? And um, people just are in a space where they think that they're kind of running on the threadmill, but they're not moving forward, and and that oftentimes requires a little bit of clarity.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, this, you know, you mentioned career plateau, and I think that that really digs into the mindset, right? Because the clear career plateau can be seen as something positive, right? I don't know about you, sir, but I have no desire to work as hard as I'm working now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now. Um, you know, so the plateau can be seen as a good thing. Uh, and yet we talked a little bit last episode about this same thing. Um, you know, it is if your identity is so connected to your career, to what you're doing, as you plateau, does that cause you to feel or at least have a mindset that that means that I'm plateauing, right? That I'm getting ready to uh flatline, so to speak, right? Or or just kind of stay there after I retire or are no longer working. So I think you know, the mindset when we talk about where do you feel stuck in those bottlenecks, um, that career plateau can definitely be a really common stuck point.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. And yeah, midlife is a place where we get vulnerable oftentimes, and we have that uh that bottleneck of shame of not being where we think we ought to be. And so uh we need clarity around that. You know, who's determining where we ought to be? And and why is it shameful if we aren't measuring up to your neighbors where they think that they ought to be? Right. So we want folks to get out of that bottleneck piece and absolutely.

Coach Stacy:

Um, another bottleneck that we find is that of health neglect, or you know, sometimes we we put off because we're so busy pouring into others, or we're so busy uh making, you know, make bringing home that bacon. Sorry if you don't eat pork, you know, bringing home that plant-based bacon. Um, you know, we spend so much time focused on those things, providing and and leading and guiding our homes at work, that we might neglect our health. And certainly as we are in this beautiful season, right, we we are dependent upon our health to really enjoy it, to experience the richness of midlife. And and sometimes that being being finding that we've neglected our health is a place where um people get stuck.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and Stacy, I know that um it just occurred to me, man, hit me like bricks in the head, that sometimes because of this this whole not being clear and being feeling stuck and feeling that we're not measuring up and we're not enough, we live a life of regret. You know, we start looking at our because we're not clear on where we ought to be or where we are, we we get into this if a would or should we start shooting on ourselves, the regrets happen, and I'm saying that stuck is not a destination, a location, it is really a a uh delayed decision.

Coach Stacy:

That's good, that's good. Yeah, there's a danger of silent suffering in silence, right? With those regrets, and you're right, a postponed decision. Okay, mean that was good.

Coach Wayne:

All right, Stacey, I'll take that one.

Coach Stacy:

So I'm sorry. Hey there, Audrey. Welcome to tonight's episode. Plant-based bacon is not bad. I trust you, I trust, I trust what you're saying.

Coach Wayne:

I don't know, I don't know. So, Stacey, you know, when it comes to this decision in terms of clarity as a a decision as a tool in the way of clarity, we gotta ask ourselves, what are we stuck on? And and what am I tolerating that doesn't serve me now? Those are kinds of questions we need to kind of get into gear and get out of that that neutrality of stuckness.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. And let's let's um before we dive into um some tools that we have, let's just um look at what Delane had to say. We also need to stop the comparison with our peers, usually monetary and job position, and realize that in many cases they wish they had the relationships that, oh, that's good, that's good. The relationships that we have. Life is so much more than just the job title and the monetary compensation. Life and living are so much more than that, and we need to have joy in our lives and have fun.

Coach Wayne:

I'll take credit for Dylan's words. That's my big sister. I taught her all she knows. Go ahead there with your bad self, sister D.

Coach Stacy:

That is hilarious. Uh, you don't take you took the credit. Okay. Mm-hmm. All right. Um, sorry, where where were we? We were talking about um the decision clarity and uh decision um being clear in your decision making as as practical leadership in your personal life. And so Wayne and I uh have talked a little bit about this and have come up with a little bit of a three-question clarity framework. What you got, Wayne?

Coach Wayne:

Three question clarity framework. All right, so now I gotta use a cheat sheet. So the first one, uh well, we passed that. So we're we we just talked about what am I tolerating that's quite the draining me as one, what deserves my yes right now? And the third one stays. You want to drop the third one in there?

Coach Stacy:

If I choose boldly today, what would change in 90 days?

Coach Wayne:

Hmm.

Coach Stacy:

Mm-hmm. So right, that's a little self-accountability.

Coach Wayne:

Now, you know, we talked about it before, leadership is a private matter. Yes, you are sometimes given a title to say you're a leader, but leadership is a is a private matter. Um, and and as we reach out here to numerous folks on all sorts of platforms that are listening in, you know, you have to ask yourself this. And this is not something necessarily for you to raise publicly because uh you are a leader, even in the quietness of your home, uh self leadership is key. And if you're not clear on what direction to take or where you want to go, then you can't lead someone else publicly.

Coach Stacy:

Wayne is dropping little mics tonight. Um yes, in Indeed, you must do the inner work, right? To um get yourself out of this fac this decision fatigue, right? And look at it as the opportunity to make decisions that then are incremental, that then you can see the incremental progress as you make those decisions. And so I hope that made sense. It made sense in my head. But really making those decisions, those micro decisions step by step, um, you know, and I think that as to your point of being we're we're all leaders, whether you have, you know, executive in your title or or CEO or you know, you are the the entrepreneur, the sole proprietor, we're all leaders. You lead your home, you lead your family, you lead your life. And so really making those incremental decisions is and seeing the results of doing so is what then allows you to witness or see or experience incremental progress. That was better said.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, yeah. One of the things, too, that I would say when we talk about clarity is um many folk, well, I have a client right now that I'm working with, and he is stuck in terms of his next move. Um, he hasn't worked in two years, and since he got laid off, his identity is really tied into the job. We talked about that. And he's not clear how to remodel himself to move on out. And at this point, his job is pretty much done. AI has taken it over, as in the case of many jobs and many more to come. And so, what you need to do at this point is to kind of look at who you are and get clarity around where you have to be. And so, Stacy, he is playing the victim role. Woe unto me, poor me. And I would say that right now in midlife, if you're stuck in that victim role about life being unfair, uh, get some clarity so you can uh sort of find your way out, reimagine what you ought to become.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah, and and that clarity can come from working with a coach. And it is not that, you know, Wayne and I are just here to talk about Stacy and Wayne as coaches. But the idea there is that it is your coach or someone that is going to ask some of these clarity questions and not have you or not allow you to just kind of sit and stew on the answers in your head. As you start to speak some of these answers out loud, you get to work through them. So you get to move from the woe is me. And I'm I have no doubt, Coach Wayne, that you will move him from the woe is me to really looking at the possibilities, right? From the place of power. Yes, maybe what you did yesterday is no longer available, but because you have those transferable skills, because you have some experience that includes life's experiences, what are the possibilities that we can begin to identify, right, that moves you from this place of woe is me to possibility?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, I um, you know, to take it to again a practical situation, I'm leading a group of about six men, and the average dude there is say 65, they're not youth. And and one of the things that they're coming to admit and realize is giving themselves permission to live in alignment, right? You don't have to be pleasing anybody, not at that stage, anyway. So, over approval, give yourself you know, permission to align with what feels right in your soul so you can be clear about that and move.

Coach Stacy:

And that is a decision, that is a decision, right? And so we are talking about clarity over chaos, which is often based in uh the chaos is often based in indecision and that decision to give yourself permission to do things differently or to make a mistake, so that if you have to make a decision and it turns out that maybe that wasn't the right way to go, that you've already given yourself permission to make a mistake, and you're not holding yourself hostage for the mistake that you have made.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, I think it's what you're talking about comes with emotional maturity, right? Giving yourself that right, that agency to make that decision based on discernment and alignment and obedience, and that really comes from uh maturity, and you know, like we like to say on this show, it's about saging rather than purely aging.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. Um, you know, we we we we all because of our life's experiences, no matter what they were, you do bring to the table a level of wisdom. And that wisdom, coupled with your experience, coupled with decision making, coupled with making choices, is powerful. That is really the opportunity to, you know, take that leadership of your midlife and reframe whatever's happening. So take your wisdom, couple it with the experience, and couple it with or join making choices in there.

Coach Wayne:

So, Stace, what are some of the takeaways that uh we're gonna bid folks off as you go start shoveling snow?

Coach Stacy:

Snow is not expected for a number of days, sir. Thank you very much. One takeaway is that chaos is not a sign of failure. We have all had moments or seasons even of chaos. It is a signal that clarity is waiting.

Coach Wayne:

Also, remember that not everything that's urgent deserves your uh energy.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I'd I'd hit the applause sound on that one, uh, but I don't want to be distracted. Another takeaway is decision making is the highest form of self-leadership.

Coach Wayne:

And as coaches, we know this one clarity begins when you ask better questions, not when you find perfect answers. You know, some people have all the answers, right? Know it all. And especially uh uh you run into people at midlife that believe that, hey, I'm I'm at the stage where I got all the answers. But truly, as coaches, you learn that the the key to a better life is having the right questions, not the answers.

Coach Stacy:

Correct, and focusing on the right things because none of us will have all the answers. And if we do have all the answers, you can guarantee some of them will not be right.

Coach Wayne:

So this week, Stace, let's uh suggest that our audience write down one decision that they've been avoiding that they need to make. And in so doing, they can, you know, move a bit forward from that stuckness, chaotic place that they are.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, ask those three, those three questions we talked about earlier, um coupled with that, you know, one thing you've been avoiding, and it really is looking at, I'm going back to the three questions. Um, what decision is currently draining my energy the most? If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? And is this aligned with whom I'm becoming or who I'm afraid to disappoint? So as you write down that one decision you've been avoiding, you can ask yourself those questions.

Coach Wayne:

Stace. Midlife is really uh, I would say it is not a place where we need to get muddled and confused and unclear. It's really, I would say, a place where we have leverage to start getting some clarity and moving forward and choosing to do the things that really matters, the things on purpose, because what you have tons of experience, and you have uh tried some stuff, done some stuff, heard some stuff, known some stuff. You know, we need to understand that. So it's time for us to to man and woman up in midlife so that we can get some clarity about who we are and what our purpose is for alignment in moving forward.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, yes, and yes, uh, I would say if indeed uh any of this resonated with you, please share it with someone who feels maybe overwhelmed, stuck, a little uncertain. Uh, you might be the clarity that they need.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, Stacy, how can you help the folks get clear? Like, how do they connect with you so they can get some clarity going on, Stacy?

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. Well, if you are watching on uh LinkedIn, Facebook, or YouTube, you likely know how to get in touch with me there. In other realms, you are welcome to reach out to me at the T-H-E, Stacymlewis.com.

Coach Wayne:

I gotcha. And Stace, the folks can reach me at my site. It's viptransformative living.com. By the way, Stacy, my guy told me today that we're doing a fresh look for the site for 2026. Can't wait to have it delivered. But anyway, that's where you can find all my handles so that you can run with me for some clarity 101.

Coach Stacy:

That's always exciting. You know, this is the midlife revolution unleashed where chaos becomes clarity and clarity becomes power. Wayne such a joy sharing this podium with you, my brother.

Coach Wayne:

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. And don't forget, Stace, wear gloves when you start shoving that snow.

Coach Stacy:

This season does not have to be chaotic, y'all. It can become your launch pad to clearer, stronger, and a more purposeful vision of you. We love you. I don't want to just shut off my camera, but I do want to hang up on Wayne. Thank you for joining us at Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And you know what? I'll see you at the top.

Coach Stacy:

Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne:

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy:

I'm Coach Stacy and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.

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