Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Why Exhaustion Is Information, Not Failure

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson • Season 3 • Episode 75

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Feeling worn down and wondering what’s wrong with you? Nothing. You’re responding to real demands with a human body. We take a clear-eyed look at midlife exhaustion and show how to treat it as data, not a diagnosis—so you can reclaim energy and lead with steadiness, clarity, and heart.

We break down the invisible drains that quietly empty your tank: people pleasing that stretches your calendar thin, chronic stress and decision fatigue that jam your executive function, sleep disruption driven by hormonal shifts, and the heavy yet loving lift of caregiving. Then we pair every insight with action. You’ll learn how to run an energy audit that maps your day into fuel and drain zones, stack demanding tasks at your natural peak, and set boundaries that protect your best brain without abandoning your team.

We also dig into energy as leadership capital. If you try to show effectiveness by touching everything, you burn premium fuel on low-value work. Instead, delegate outcomes, create simple defaults, and align your efforts with your core values to shift from force to flow. We share a Sunrise Energy Hack—early light exposure, quick movement, hydration, and three deep breaths—to anchor your circadian rhythm and start strong without reaching for caffeine. Along the way, we offer practical ways to declutter your environment, ease the mental load, and build gentle rhythms that support both you and those you serve.

You’re not broken. You’re overloaded. Notice the signals, name the drains, and put your energy where it matters most. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who’s running on empty, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your midlife revolution starts with one small, compassionate shift today.

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
🌍 thestacymlewis.com
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🎩Wayne Dawson
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Coach Stacy:

If you're exhausted in midlife, you're not broken. You're responding to the real demands with a human body. Let's talk about it.

Coach Wayne:

You found the midlife revolution unleashed. The space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy:

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne:

Stacy, guess what?

Coach Stacy:

What?

Coach Wayne:

I'm tired.

Coach Stacy:

I'm exhausted. Well, we are here to frame exhaustion as information, not inadequacy, Wayne. So you have come to the right spot. Exhausted. Welcome to the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I am your co-host, Stacey M. Lewis, a nonprofit executive, a midlife women's coach, and a lover of God and his people. And while my co-host is tired, I know that he is going to bring the energy tonight.

Coach Wayne:

Yep. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach, and I work with midlife men to help them get over that threshold so that their second half can be their best half. Stace, I'm kidding. I'm I'm I'm wired tonight. I'm wired. Yeah. Not tired, wired.

Coach Stacy:

You were just you were you were bringing in the episode with real experience. That's right. Well, tonight we're gonna talk about understanding the hidden forces that are draining your energy. And, you know, Wayne, that's real every day. We'll also talk about why self-compassion is the first strategy.

Coach Wayne:

Why do people feel like and I know not just midlifers, but people feel sometimes that if they run out of gas, if they get tired, that it's um it's it's it's there's shame almost. It's like they're a failure because they you know don't have the same energy or tired or or or or or or and I think tonight we want to let folks know that we can address it and we can manage it, but there's no need to count yourself out. There are things that we can do.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. Um, we definitely want to remove the shame from exhaustion. Um, because it's telling that exhaustion is telling us something uh as human beings with human bodies. And exhaustion doesn't equal laziness or weakness or a lack of discipline, it is the reality of um the energy and that energy depletion.

Coach Wayne:

I like to see those sort of uh signals, as it were, as merely feedback, right, to our systems to us that something needs to happen. We need to tune up like your car, right? If it's bucking, then you need a tune up or change the gas, or something is happening. And I think when you are dealing with issues of exhaustion, uh then it may be worth taking a tune up, and and we can do that, and we're gonna do that with you tonight.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I it often comes from what what we call a cumulative load, right? It is the load of of daily living that tends to um make us exhausted. And Wayne, I know that you coach a lot of what we call high capacity men. Um and often they're the ones that are most depleted, right? Those people that we look to and who have identified themselves as high capacity people and not recognizing that sometime that running on that high capacity the entire time can be an energy suck.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, if you drive on 93 octane, right, the highest grade gasoline, you are burning expensive fuel. And so these guys who are really bowlers and callers at that level, they're burning expensive fuel and uh rapidly sometimes. Because Stacy, one of the things that that I've learned over the years is you pace yourself, you can't get it done in one day, and you save yourself for later. You you you budget your your energy and know when to say no and and know what to say no to.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah. And as we as we think about this episode and really talking um about energy and why energy is the currency, and that midlife exhaustion isn't a personal failure, the reality is that we want to make sure we are considering what is it that we're telling ourselves about the exhaustion. You know, it is as we're we're moving forward and really looking to succeed and trying to take care of all of the things that we begin to tell ourselves this story about how we're underperforming or we're not doing enough, um, or that exhaustion is a weakness, and we are here to dismantle that myth.

Coach Wayne:

And don't get pressured with the people-pleasing habit.

Coach Stacy:

Did you say that, Wayne? Let's talk about some of what you and I are calling the the energy drains.

Coach Wayne:

I'm sorry for interrupting.

Coach Stacy:

Go ahead and say, No, it's okay. Go.

Coach Wayne:

People pleasing is one of those where we think that we have to be the uh we gotta get the badge or the pat on the neck or the shoulder because we're making people happy. And most of us get caught up with family, you know, uh on the personal level, with just showing up and making sure everybody's okay, especially the the if you're very responsible, you're trying to make sure everybody's good. But sometimes you have to stop and take stock of where you are, and especially at midlife when you have lots of options because you've done so much, you have to pull back sometimes. And the first person to take care of and to please is who, Stace?

Coach Stacy:

Yourself, yourself, you got to, you got to. The if the captain goes down, the ship is sunk, yeah. Right? Um, we want to start. Let's talk about um from an invisible energy drain standpoint, and I love that you brought in that that people pleasing because that is one that we don't necessarily immediately connect to an energy drain, yet it is definitely one. Um there are indeed those those structural and those biological realities um that are not necessarily choices. Um, one that comes to mind for me, why? Because I personally experience this one often, and that is sleep disruption. Uh, and I'm sure that it is hormonally driven, or hormones are playing some uh role in why I'm waking up in the middle of the night and why I'm waking up a little warmer than I should be. Um, you know, but that sleep disruption certainly is an invisible energy drain, right? If my sleep is interrupted, uh especially consistently, right? A couple of nights, three nights in a row, uh, the energy is just not there.

Coach Wayne:

You're absolutely correct. Stacy, today when I was promoting the show, I posted some stuff on both LinkedIn and Facebook. So, folks, if you get a chance, and in there, one of the posts was talking about uh sleep cycles, circadian rhythms. And it says that we have 90-minute cycles where we go through the uh various levels of brain waves, and to get proper sleep, you have to experience the full cycle. And so, even if you fall asleep and get up missing the full cycle, you still feel tired, and so um there are ways to figure out what time to go to bed and and when throughout that cycle of even eight hours, the various times you can get up and still feel okay-ish. It's it's interesting science. So I invite people to look at that. But Stacy, to your point, a lot is happening with the body when we are burning the candle at both ends, or when we're just having difficulty falling asleep. One trick, Stacy, is to use uh uh blue light. Now, I don't mean the same blue light from the phone, but there are therapies around blue and red too. I'm not sure of the difference, but people use these therapeutic modes to kind of usher sleep in.

Coach Stacy:

Well, I love that that you gave a possible solution, um, you know, because we want to talk about not only the um these invisible energy drains, but also what we what we can do about them. And from uh as as coaches, right, questions you can ask yourself to notice and to um really begin to dismantle um some of these issues, these challenges that are draining your energy. Um, another one, uh, which this one definitely isn't something I'm as familiar with as the sleep disruption, but another thing that is is an invisible energy drain is that that chronic stress and that decision fatigue, right? That you know, whether it's our job, our household, whatever's going on in our lives, the ongoing stress, not just the the kind of daily stressors that peak and valley or that come and go, um, but those chronic kind of steady stressors that can really be an invisible energy drain.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. I'm gonna have a little fun with this tonight, Stacey, because see the plant behind me, right? I have plants over. And plants actually are helpful when you're talking about these invisible stresses and just the drains. Um, if your environment or your surrounding has nice plants, uh, they help to calm you and to allow you to reduce some of that stress. Uh it's weird how that works, but it it it I guess it's mimicking nature and the outdoors. And we were not born and made to be inside, and so even the color green that we see out there does something to our senses to ease and soothe us. So, you know, uncluttering your space is one, whether it's the office, uh, your calendar, your phone, learning to just block things and rid others on the phone, which is still clutter. And and adding little niceties like plants are great ways to help yourself soothe through those stressful moments.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I I love it. Um, I have a house full of plants, and um I I you know they also help with the air quality and all of that good stuff. So, so I I agree with you, right? You can go buy a nice$8.99 plant and you'd be amazed if you take care of it a little bit, um, you know, how it could bless you. Uh, I would say another invisible energy drain is that in midlife, and you and I talk about this often, is the reality that somewhere we are likely caregiving. Yes. And, you know, we could be caring for kids, we could be caring for grandchildren, we could be caring for our parents, uh, we could be caring for members of our community, uh, our church family, um, you know, the emotional weight or emotional labor. Uh, so many, so many aspects of caregiving um that that are really, you know, sometimes they're not as invisible, but they can definitely be energy drains.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. So we have to check that. In an episode we had earlier this year or last year, or this is a new year, we talked about boundaries. And so one has to be mindful because people typically don't do it for you, they're not gonna come and save your energy for you, they usually take advantage of your time and energy. So you have to create those boundaries um around being a caregiver, even.

Coach Stacy:

I I agree. And um I was uh listening to one of my coaches this morning, and um she was talking about the value of rhythms, right? That even in your in your caregiving, in your daily activities, right? Having a rhythm that of how things are going to happen. It doesn't have to be a strict uh routine, you know, at 7.15, I'm you know, gonna drop Joey off, and then at 8.15, I'm you know gonna pick up my grandmother and take her to the doctor. Um, it really is about the the rhythm of caring for yourself and caring for others, identifying what those needs are in ways that allow you to engage in a rhythm so that you are not feeling as much of the energy drain, although you still have to do the same level of work, so to speak, or extend expend effort.

Coach Wayne:

I like that. Finding finding a a canter rhythm. I like that. Uh yeah going instead of going upstream, you know, going with the flow.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, because you know, I I definitely agree with boundaries and at the same time, you know, and from a caregiving perspective, right? The needs are the needs, to your point. You know, some some people might have help, siblings or or a spouse, and some people don't. And so the needs are the needs, but how can we best manage um those needs really from a place that notices what we need in order to manage those needs?

Coach Wayne:

No doubt.

Coach Stacy:

I think that that's really, really important.

Coach Wayne:

We can also see energy as uh capital in the way of leadership, right? Absolutely. And we're we're leading not just in the workplace, but we're leading at home, and we're certainly leading ourselves every day. And uh that's that's price capital to have.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I I agree. And I think often in the workplace setting, uh, you know, there are the external expectations of us, and this happens even as business owners, right? There are the external expectations of us to perform, to do, to show up, to be. Uh, and then there are the internal expectations of us, and that can be exhausting. It can it can really drain the energy that that um mental load that we carry as leaders um is something that we we need to really pay attention to, give credit to as a potential energy drainer, uh, and look at opportunities to notice it and then begin to identify ways to combat it.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. As a leader, Stace, sometimes we think that by putting our hands or signature and everything, it shows how involved we are, and therefore it shows that we are being effective. But we may be effective somewhat, but we don't have to be efficient when we do that. And so, as leaders, when we talk about energy, we have to recognize when we talk about what we say no to, doesn't mean it's off the table for good, but how do we delegate stuff? How do we make sure that we you know assign it outside so that we don't have to get caught up with every part of the uh operations?

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I agree with you, and at the same time, we want to, as we talk about energy and it not uh being a uh a flaw or feeling exhaustion not being a weakness, um, we want to make sure that in this episode, we're really encouraging you to notice, to name. So often we press through the day and we're not really noticing even what's beginning to drain our energy. And so you you can't fix, right? You can't heal what you don't reveal. We can't fix these things until we really name them, until we notice them.

Coach Wayne:

Good evening, Dr. Marcia and my brother Curtis. Oh, good. We are acknowledging you both, and um, yeah.

Coach Stacy:

Welcome to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. It is always great to have you in the listening lounge. So let's talk about Wayne energy as leadership capital.

Coach Wayne:

Well, we can reclaim some of our energy uh so that we become more uh adept at leading. Uh imagine showing up and really just being bah when folks are behind you waiting for the charge. Sometimes we have to model that energy by ourself conserving it. And you know, if you're gonna be called on to run through a bustling hectic schedule to get things done as a leader, uh, you certainly better be alert and find a way of uh exercising at a high level of output, which is uh aka energy.

Coach Stacy:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the the uh energy and and the leadership uh is capital. I love the concept because the reality is that energy is not just personal, it is relational and professional. And we all have probably experienced times when we've shown up as less than the energetic leader, right? As someone um who's kind of depleted or wiped out, like you're saying, and that translates into the people that we're working with, talking to, uh, meeting with. And so it's important to really recognize energy as leadership capital and begin again to notice things that might be draining your energy. So you don't, for example, become reactive instead of responsive.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. Stacey, remember the good the good word here is to whom much is given? Much is required.

Coach Stacy:

That's right. Which means that everything that these important things that you need, like rest and paying attention to what you need, um is required, right? It is required.

Coach Wayne:

Um yes, right. Curtis mentioned Curtis mentioned the invisible, uh, the energy vampires.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, that's that's what that's those invisible things, right? The energy vampires, and then you show up uh as less than your best, and we begin to, as leaders, um we can sometimes default into over-functioning, right? So we're we're just really trying to pull energy along, and we end up overfunctioning because we're just depleted, yeah.

Coach Wayne:

So let's talk to folks about how you can do your own energy audit, like uh uh just to become aware some of the things that we are suggesting that one could do. And one is to ask yourself the question with whom do I interact that when they leave or when they are in my presence, I feel drained. Don't say the word loudly. But you know who those are, right?

Coach Stacy:

Right, right. It's like you know, when you're in church and they say something about somebody, and then they're like, Don't don't tap your neighbor, you know, don't do that. I think it is an excellent question. Um goes back to the noticing um of the fact that wow, that conversation, you know, it's an example, Wayne. I had a letter meeting today, and the meeting was good, yet there were a couple of I'll say annoyances I I was dealing with. And those annoyances literally drained me. Um, I think more so mentally than physically, but they drained me to the point where I said I need to take 15 minutes to separate myself from work so that I can notice more of that, get it in check, and then show up as a leader, not a depleted leader, but a leader stewarding my leadership gifts.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, yeah. And then you ask, yeah, you ask yourself a question around the things you do day to day. What what what chores, what activities, what bits of the operations of my business draws most from me. And uh I usually suggest to folks that you do your high-end energy absorbers earlier or when you are at your fittest and your best, right? So you don't have to open up social media in the morning when you need that morning energy to get going with a real deal.

Coach Stacy:

I totally agree. And I want to go back just a half step because Curtis asks a question. How does a leader regain access to this energy leadership capital without taking from their team? And I hope that the example that I just gave, while I only stepped away for 15 minutes, was a good example of like stepping away and giving yourself the space and the grace as a leader to check in with yourself, see what's going on, notice how you're feeling, where your energy is mentally, emotionally, physically, taking a moment to ask yourself, why is that? And even if the answer is because you didn't get a good night's sleep last night, you at least have a resource to begin to correct or adjust that access, right? That's the access, is noticing that you're missing the energy at that moment and then taking those opportunities to identify the why and taking action or creating a plan, a mini plan, like okay, tonight I'm gonna go to bed at 10. Not a five-page written plan, um, but taking action to begin to address that energy depletion.

Coach Wayne:

You better pass around the collection plate, man. That's a masterclass right there. You know, Stacey, I would I would also input and say, make sure that as a leader, what you are, how you are operating is in alignment with your values. Why? Because when you are in alignment, there is flow. And so you can, if you're in alignment with your values and things aren't being forced. Now, that I said this on another podcast somewhere, there's a difference between having power and having force, and and power is a whole different thing. Force is is is unnatural and it means there's out of alignment. And so I think if you are working from the position, uh you know, the power that's been invested in you as a leader, find an alignment in what you do, right? Then you can get the energy when you're in flow. If you're, you know what I mean, if you're doing something that you're aligned with, it just feels right. The rhythm that you talked about, Stacy, it it you can summon that rhythm.

Coach Stacy:

I I agree. I think the value there, not to reuse the word, um, but is that you get to reconnect with that experience of when you're aligned with your values, right? How you feel, what level of energy you have. So even in that moment when you are feeling depleted, reconnecting with a place of power, right? Reconnecting with a place that reminds you that yes, I have felt like uh a leader on top of my game. I have felt like a leader with great energy. I remember that, right? Being in alignment with my values. The reality is we every day is not a great day, right? Every moment is not a great moment, but we do have agency to reconnect with those moments of power, those moments of feeling where we want to get back to, experiencing what we want to experience to at least fuel us to get to bed at 10 o'clock and start again the next day without shame or judgment.

Coach Wayne:

Yep. Uh, as we I'm gonna talk about that real fast, uh hollering at my boy David, oh my man David, welcome.

Coach Stacy:

Hello, David, welcome to Midlife Revolution.

Coach Wayne:

One of the posts I did today was called the Sunrise Energy Hacked, and it had uh the following things when it wake up during the right sleep stage, uh get light exposure within five minutes, right? Which doesn't mean you have to run outside in the sun, but even if you open a window and get light uh, you know, or take off the the the the the those blinds that we have that shut out light. Uh move your body within 60 seconds of getting up. Uh rehydrate your brain because you know you sweat and your exhalation uh uh causes you to lose water. So rehydrate using this is a thing, lemon salt, water within the first uh few uh minutes of getting up. And the last one is take three deep breaths before you pick up that phone, right? And uh uh this this promises to wake you and get you up without caffeine, right, Miss Stacy? No caffeine that early in the morning.

Coach Stacy:

I plead the fifth on the grounds I may incriminate myself. Um, but I'd I'd love that, Wayne. And and uh please hold us both accountable to putting that in the show notes so that as folks uh listen to this episode or hit the replay, that they can really be reminded of that. And sometimes seeing it in print makes it um easier. I I think it's really important for us to remember that we are not judging ourselves or shaming ourselves, as Coach Wayne said in the beginning, when we find ourselves lacking the energy or being person just exhausted, it is not a personal failure. Um, we're really here to encourage you, to remind you that it is possible to move through those moments and um notice those moments and not necessarily hold yourself to immediate action to fix it. Sometimes it is in the noticing that the work, the real work begins.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, it was Newton, I think, who said that energy can neither be destroyed nor uh created, right? It's just there moving through, transferred. And so figure out how best you can utilize that energy and um optimize by and maximize, you know, all you do. Is that the same thing, Stacey? Optimize and maximize. I think so.

Coach Stacy:

Optimize and maximize. Yeah, I I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would I would say yes. For the purposes of this episode, I would say yes. Um, we'll also make sure that we connect you uh with I think it was episode 65, where we talked about energy, but we talked about um energy compared to time and kind of the most valuable resource. And we're reminding you again that while time is an extremely valuable resource, your time in alignment with your energy as a resource is the powerful couple. So having you know good use of your time and feeling like you are optimizing, to Wayne's point, uh, your energy allows you to really move forward from a place of power and finding those things that are draining your energy is the beginning.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, I got a little note that we were having some difficulty streaming to Facebook. So folks listening to Facebook are having a bit of difficulty with us, we apologize. That's uh a little technical stuff happening over here. And um, but you can follow us on the replay. Stace, how can the good folks catch some of that wisdom off yours?

Coach Stacy:

Well, I am certainly accessible through all of the social places, uh, most importantly on my website, thestacymlewis.com. I would love to hear from you. Click us on LinkedIn, send a chat in the DMs. We just want to know if what we are sharing with you is helpful, blessing you, helping you move forward into your midlife richness. Wayne.

Coach Wayne:

Yep, folks can holler at your boy VIP transformative living.com. That's my website, and all of my social media handles are there. I'm happy to lend out a wonderful tool, as folks have been hearing, which is my self-assessment. It's gonna square you up so you know just where you stand in terms of your goals and aspirations.

Coach Stacy:

I love it. Y'all check out the assessment. I'm still hearing good things about it. Uh, it is indeed our greatest privilege uh that you would take the time to uh spend with us, listen, look, lean in, comment. Thank y'all so much for being an important part of the Midlife Revolution. Um the Unleashed.

Coach Wayne:

So, Stacey, you're gonna be I'll be seeing them at the top. And and what do you about you? What you what you're gonna be doing, Stacy?

Coach Stacy:

You know, I'm cheering y'all on.

Coach Wayne:

Until next time, you're walking good.

Coach Stacy:

Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne:

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy:

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.

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