Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Clarity Begins Where Old Stories End

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson • Season 3 • Episode 74

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Feeling wrung out before January even gets going? We’ve both seen it: the calendar flips and the fatigue follows. Not because you’re unfocused, but because you’re carrying last year’s expectations, roles, and “shoulds” into a season that needs space. We sit down to name the weight, release what no longer fits, and choose alignment over force so the second half truly becomes the best half.

We start by unpacking the difference between resolution and resolve, then move into a practical energy audit you can do without judgment. You’ll learn how to map what fueled you last year, spot silent drains, and use “force vs alignment” as a quick test for what stays. We challenge hustle myths, call out cultural timelines and gendered expectations that pile on emotional labor, and show how boundaries protect your life’s most important work.

From there, we offer simple rituals of release—burning bowl, goodbye letters, floating lanterns—that make letting go concrete. We introduce a Word of the Year as a living compass to guide daily choices, not a slogan that gathers dust. Expect clear prompts to prune tolerations, reset labels that no longer fit, and retire habits that numb rather than nourish. You’ll also hear the three release targets we see most often in midlife: relationships that consistently drain, narratives that shrink your range, and coping patterns that keep you busy but not better.

Take the challenge: name one thing you’ll let go to lighten your load. Grab Wayne’s free self-alignment assessment in the show notes to turn insight into aligned action. If this conversation helps you breathe easier, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a gentler reset, and leave a quick review so more midlifers can find their way to clarity.

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
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🎩Wayne Dawson
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Coach Stacy:

Before you set goals, or if you've already set goals, before you pick a word, or before you try to become anything new, let's talk a little bit about what needs to be released.

Coach Wayne:

You found the midlife revolution unleashed, the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy:

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne:

So Stacy. Yes, sir. Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

Coach Stacy:

New Year. Happy New Year.

Coach Wayne:

Stacy, you're talking about folks that are starting the year exhausted from the get-go. Come on now. I can't wait to see them in June.

Coach Stacy:

Well, that is the whole point of tonight's episode. Welcome, family, to the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I am Coach Stacy, a midlife women's coach, nonprofit executive, and a lover of God and his people. And I'm here with my partner in crime, Wayne. And today we're gonna open uh our January theme, kind of the reset without pressure, with an honest conversation about what we're carrying into the year that no longer fits who we're becoming. What you got, Wayne? Introduce yourself to the people.

Coach Wayne:

Okay, we'll do that. I'm Coach Wayne, the VIP coach. I work with the messy middlemen, midlife, who are trying to get to the next side, and I help them to do so, Stacey, so that their second half can be their best half.

Coach Stacy:

I love the second half being the best half because it really midlife is a great time, and we're here to celebrate the richness of it. And Wayne, I cannot tell you how many conversations I've had at the recording. It is January 8th, and I've had a number of conversations with women, people talking about how they're already exhausted. And uh, you know, all I say is like, okay, you gotta ease in. We have to ease in. Like, like maybe like we're starting a cross-country race, right? We gotta, we gotta ease in. People are exhausted already.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and that uh New Year's resolution, Stacey, is already going down the toilet for most. I know this to be true because when you try to get into the gym the end of the year, first of the first week, it looks like you have to join a line. And I can tell you that right now the parking lot is is getting a little bit empty. So folks are already and see, Stacey, here's the thing: there's resolve and there's resolution. Resolution is is committing or saying, saying that I have a plan, and a resolve is dedicating yourself to making the plan happen. I think Stacy, a lot of folks start the new year exhausted because they're still carrying some 2025 baggage, then they haven't let go. They're looking back and holding on.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah. We want to say hello and happy new year to Delane. It's always good to see you in our listening lounge. Uh and Wayne, you're absolutely right. Um, I I love that distinction that you just shared. Um, and tonight we'll talk a little bit about why exhaustion is often unexamined, carryover. It's not lack of discipline sometime, you know, how to audit your energy without judging yourself and what release might look like in midlife um for men and women.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and we need to be when we talk about audit, we have to square up with ourselves and ask some very honest, open questions. What am I still carrying around that doesn't serve me? Right, Stacey, you know, we recently moved into a new home, we bought a new home, OG and I. And the home we were we're downsizing, as it were, because we had a lot more stuff, and we had to audit and determine what we are carrying that we haven't opened in a year, and dump it. And I would say this is true of folks as they enter into the new year. Sometimes we are exhausted because we haven't pruned the old stuff that doesn't serve us anymore.

Coach Stacy:

I couldn't agree with you more. And we entitled um this episode that Midlife Clarity begins with this one question. And Ray Wayne, I'm just gonna reiterate the one question that you posed. It is around that, what am I still carrying out of habit? Right that's totally misaligned. So as we say good evening uh to our dear fellow coach and dear, dear friend, uh Coach Wayne, the reality is that not Coach Wayne, I'm talking to Coach Wayne. We wanted to say hello to Coach Curtis.

SPEAKER_00:

Me and Curtis, we're kindred brothers. We're one of the same.

Coach Stacy:

We're one of I I think my mind is catching up with where we are in the new year. And I love the idea of taking a pause early on to really check in with ourselves to reset uh and and begin to identify what's really going on and how we can adjust so that we're not starting the year in this overwhelmed and exhausted place.

Coach Wayne:

You know, Stacy, we have earned some some reps, some credits. As a young one says, they talk it, they say reps uh reputation, right? And we have earned it because of our years of experience. We've been around, and sometimes we're carrying baggage around um things like relationships, we're carrying baggage, uh just culture. You know, this is what we're supposed to do. Sometimes, you know, we we think that there is a timeline on what ought to happen when we get to certain milestones. You know, you hear families saying, Hey, you're a big man now, you're 21, you should move out, get a job, and do this. But that's not necessarily true. You know, as a parent, you might want that, but it's not always true for circumstances depending on uh where people really are and what's going on. Context.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, absolutely right. I mean, current culture is talking a lot about or demonstrating our need to hustle uh when we know in this season um and this saging stage, as you would say, that wisdom invites us to look at what's happening and subtract what's not working, what's draining us, and begin to identify those things so we can get rid of them.

Coach Wayne:

Men, there's a gender difference too, Stacy. I know, fellas, we we have been trained and taught that we provide, we protect, and uh there's a lot of stress on us to do that. And though it's important when we talk about security, today it looks very differently. And we put ourselves on the duress if we are supposed to be at this particular place in terms of what we are providing or how we protection in the way of safety and not necessarily being a security guard. But how do we how do we do that? And is it that 40 at 50, at 55, 55 and a half, that we should be at these milestones? We carry that and label with that stuff.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah. The you used the word expectation earlier, right? So it is the label of expectation, thinking that um, and not that expectation is always a bad thing, but thinking that because we were going to be there, because um this is the way things are, and this is the way we wanted things to be, that that you're right, it is a weight. Those expectations can be a weight. And oftentimes uh women carry a lot of emotional labor, a lot of emotional weight, um, whether it be from relationships or financial situations. Um, and we also tend to carry responsibilities sometimes that may not necessarily be ours, and that weight of that responsibility um can cause us to feel exhausted or overwhelmed.

Coach Wayne:

So I would challenge folks to say at the start of this year, take an audit of what's going on. Are you already exhausted from just getting started? And if so, it may have nothing to do with what's ahead, but what you're still carrying from behind the dead weight. You know, what sort of identities are you still carrying? Um, what myth about what's supposed to be and who you are that you're still carrying around that you need to let go?

Coach Stacy:

Snip snip. Yep. Snip snip. And we recognize that the snip snip may not always be easy. Um, this question around what are you still responsible for that was never meant to be permanent? And I was reflecting on a conversation I was having with a friend and colleague, and her one of her parents recently passed away. And she was talking about the adjustment uh that she was still trying to make, because what she was responsible for, the running back and forth to the hospital or the nursing home, the making sure that others were cared for during, you know, the time of illness, things that she was responsible for were not permanent. And so now looking at the current season, being able to release, identify and release those things, and in this instance, is I'm no longer responsible to run back and forth many times a week, as you can relate to this, Wayne, from Harlem to Brooklyn. That may have been responsibilities in the past, even in the recent past, but were not meant to be permanent. And this could be a great opportunity to let them go.

Coach Wayne:

A great opportunity to re-examine and redefine, redefine some of these old stuff that has uh weighed us down and uh likely it will if you're already exhausted and the year just started. What are we in? Week one, Stacy. It's week one.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, it's so one, we're actually working on the first full week. And so for those of us that maybe had a little bit of break in there, it's not yet been a full week.

Coach Wayne:

So we're not really going through a productivity exercise, right? It's it's a truth exercise. I had a uh client today actually, and I was saying his calendar is filled, and I was saying the idea of success is not about busyness, it's about productivity. You can be busy but not productive. And one of the things I would say, moving into 2026, is to look at do an energy audit. Where are you drained? And what gives you energy in the work that you do or the things that you're doing, and if it's draining you, is there a way you can plug that drainage?

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I just want to echo um Curtis's comment in this area that some things, very scriptural, some things need to be pruned, right? Cut away from the tree that we call life so that we can become more fruitful. I could not agree with that statement more. Some things we gotta let go, cut away, cut off, as you just said, Wayne, snip snip.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Coach Wayne:

So the midlife folks, we're in a position that we can make a decision, we can make a call, and that is be decisive. I will not expend energy on this anymore, just like that, and we need to hold that boundary line because it's about self-preservation and self-conservation.

Coach Stacy:

The beautiful thing about the season is we are more immediate to remember that we get to decide. There's no longer someone managing or leading us from a life perspective. We get to decide. We get to decide what is of value to us, to our household, to our family, to our quality of life, and decide what things really no longer hold that value. Um, Wayne, one of the things we said we would talk about uh is a bit of an energy audit. What if you were going to embark upon this energy audit, right? What where would you begin?

Coach Wayne:

I would I would start with saying that if I'm forcing something, it's not an alignment. You know, if if you're a person of faith, you know that you have a power, right? And that power is not yours. And when that power is given and you're using that power, there is no force, there's alignment. Things happen for you. Now, I'm not saying that you won't see some resistance and challenges, but when there is alignment, force is different from power. And so I would start with looking at the things that I'm forcing, meaning you know that you just don't feel right about it, it's just not happening. Like, let's look at uh people who start relationships that they call taxit, they know that they're forcing the thing because it's just not aligned, but nonetheless, they're exhausted trying to track and follow this person that uh it's just not happening. So I would start with with looking at are there things that I forced, you know, I despite what I heard, I'm not being obedient, and so I'm forcing the thing, and I I start trimming those, Stacey. How about you, Stacey?

Coach Stacy:

You you raised the obedient word. Gee whiz, Wayne. I didn't know you were gonna go there. Yes, maybe. Um, I the when I think about an energy audit, um, I think truth is one of the first words that that comes to mind. And it is really asking some questions and giving them truthful answers. And in an audit, you know, we're always we're looking at the minutiae. And I think it's important to look at the minutiae. One of the important things we said when we started with the energy audit is that we're doing so without judgment. And so asking ourselves questions. What is it that gave us energy last year? Right? That comes from a positive place. Um, I tend to, and I often have to correct myself, come from the negative, right? What drained me last year? Which is not bad. It's not a bad question. It's a good follow-up. But what gave me energy last year? Let me connect with some of the more positive places where I felt resourced, where I felt powerful, where I felt successful. Um, and start there. What gave me some energy last year?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. And I would say that that takes us into another point, which is the need to release, to let go. See, some of us believe, especially when we're younger, that you gotta be in the hustle game, you know. You gotta, you gotta be, you know, you you say to someone, yeah, how things going? Man, I'm grinding, man, I'm struggling. Now you don't have to do that. That's part of the forcing stuff. Sometimes you gotta release, you gotta let go. Because when there's alignment, you know, purpose comes knocking at your door. You just have to open up and and and let it slide in. So I think when you're moving forward this year, what are you going to release? And release is not no shame in the game. It doesn't mean you're quitting, it doesn't mean you're giving up on yourself. Sometimes it's allowing by releasing a blessing to come through.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, absolutely. And a question that you can use to identify um some of those things you're gonna let go is what did I keep tolerating because it wasn't that bad? Right? So often we find ourselves in a grind of like, yeah, it's not that bad, or that person requires a lot of energy, but I'm not gonna say anything, you know, it's it's tolerable, etc. And I'm sure that we can all identify um it. Doesn't have to be something abusive. I'm sure we can all identify some things that we tolerated that didn't serve us that maybe we put away or compartmentalize as not that bad. But the reality is that they were one of those things that was draining us.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. Stacy, in your practice and just observing, is there anything or groups of things that you see or habits that people find very hard to part with, to release?

Coach Stacy:

Yes. Stop putting pressure on yourself to feed someone else's expectations. That was what Delaine said. I think that that's so spot on because so often um, at least many of the women I've been in conversation with are really taking on these expectations, whether they be real self-expectations or perceived expectations of others. And in in trying to live up to or achieve or meet someone else's expectations, they're draining themselves. How about you?

Coach Wayne:

You talk about expectations of others, but sometimes we have this pause notion that we must be something, and it's it's it's it's a way of self-defining ourselves that actually defeats us. Uh, we must recognize that we cannot just be rigid. Uh we must be flexible, we must be agile. And I think the idea that we are only this, and this is how these people, groups of people supposed to behave, you know, and so we can't release that thing, especially when it comes to age, Stacey. You think about uh having fun, you know. I want to be stoic and I want to be mature, and so I can't crack a joke. You know what I mean? It's burdensome. We carry extra weight when we don't allow ourselves to just be human, to just flow with the goal, yeah.

Coach Stacy:

And to make the decision, again, Curtis is on fire, Curtis and Delane are on fire tonight. He says, I think the hustle life is is how many of us have had to come out, it's come out of necessity. And you are so right, Wayne, in that there's opportunity, right? We we get to take back some of the some of that narrative that talks about the expectations of others, that talks about even our own expectations of where we would be or what we would have, etc. And decide to say to ourselves, I don't I don't want to carry this anymore. I I don't want to carry this expectation or other people's expectations of me, uh, that may not be, and you use the word alignment, that may not be aligned with who I am now, what I'm supposed to be doing now, what God has called me to do today and next week and next year. There may not be alignment. So I don't want to carry it anymore.

Coach Wayne:

I would invite our listeners to just repeat to themselves that I'm allowed to let go and let be.

Coach Stacy:

Amen. Yeah, amen. I'm you know scripture talks about talks about laying aside every weight, right? Those things that we're carrying, all of that stuff, lay it aside. It's it's not what you're supposed to be carrying, not striving, not forcing, use some wisdom, lay it aside, every weight, lay it aside.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, we went to Audrey's cousin's home last New Year's, and we had this, you know, you know, the uh what is it? It's it's a ritual, it's a it's a thing where you have these candles, floating candles, and you light them and let them release them. Oh yeah, you've seen them candles floating in the air, yeah. So we do the lanterns, yeah, the lanterns, and that's the idea of releasing you know the old stuff, or casting a rich uh a wish for the new year and sending it out in the universe, right? So, either way, and I would say that I would challenge folks to find a way of having a ritual where you sort of bury last year, uh, the church that I attended uh a couple years ago, they had a thing called the burning bowl. And leading up to New Year's, they would literally have the members, the parishioners, write the things of the year that they were discarding and literally have sort of a bowl where they'd put on fire and burn it, and then we'd also write a letter to ourselves for the year we wanted, and later in the year, the uh pastor's team would mail that back to you, and you'd see how you're doing. So I would say to folks, create a ritual where whether you want to tear it up, burn it, bury it, the things that you want to let go, let them go.

Coach Stacy:

Let them go, let them go. It is such a great release, and that letting go with intention, as you talked about the burning bowl, um, and and other ways that that can be done. It is intentionally identifying and deciding to let things go. To let it go. You're as you said earlier, you're not quitting, you're not failing, you're not giving up on yourself, but that thing is no longer serving you, it's no longer in alignment with who you are, where you are, and where you're going now. Yeah.

Coach Wayne:

Some people even use a goodbye letter, Stacy.

Coach Stacy:

Deuces. Do they say, do they say deuces in? Do they say deuces in the letter? You know, release is an act of of self-leadership, right? Of saying, you know, I identify something, it's not, it's not serving me anymore. Deuces. I'm gonna go with deuces. I love saying deuces.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, I have uh a word of the year. Yesterday I ran a group and I shared that it's a powerful thing, the word of the year. And last year, my word was discernment. And why am I talking about word of the year when we're talking about this? Because you can create a word of the year to help you with unloading or being intentional. You so you want to let go stuff in letting go stuff, then you must be intentional in terms of the route that you're taking and what you are taking along with you, right? So last year, the word of the year for me was discernment, and that was a lot of things, complex stuff, business and all that in my head. And I had to figure out you know which way I wanted to go. I was at this crossroad, uh, stressed about it. And so I started a lot of prayers with you know, asking God for discernment to make the right decisions for how to lead and all that stuff and how to follow too. So this year, and I think it served me well. Certainly, by the time the year wrapped up, we had achieved quite a few goals from my vision board.

SPEAKER_01:

That's the other thing, too. So this year, uh, one of my uh clients had a word and I borrowed it. I was gonna say steal it, but it's it's free. And anybody here can borrow it too.

Coach Wayne:

And it's it's expansion, but it's expansion with intent, it's not careless expansion, it's not just it's to grow in specific areas of my life, and so I start each activity with the intention of how can I expand here.

Coach Stacy:

Beautifully said, and as as Delane said, you know, you also need to be intentional to ensure that what you write, that word, right, you're you really work on achieving or you work toward. And so, as you said, you're you've chosen expansion and with intention. And you're I love the example that you gave of your discernment being your word last year and how that served got to serve as a bit of a guidepost, right? Or a check-in. And so as we move forward, if the if a word or some words uh of the year is your thing, or you want to give it a try, you you use it throughout the year. You don't just write it down and then decide, okay, you know, on with the next. You use it throughout the year to identity to keep you focused on that. Um, and so I think it's it's such an important way, you and an easy way. You know, you there are so many ways you can keep this word in front of you, but more importantly, that you can intentionally exercise your your habits, your your life, your release, your decisions against or around the word to make sure that you are staying the course that you want to stay.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. And the key is that you don't need a a hard reset. You probably need a lighter one, right?

Coach Stacy:

Yes. When we talk about um release, um there's kind of three categories, right? And that we we touched a little bit on relationships, right? Releasing relationships that are no longer serving you. Um, we you touched well, Wayne, on internal narratives, right? Releasing those those mindsets, those things that you're constantly saying to yourself, uh, that maybe once protected you, but now no longer serve you. And the opportunity to release habits, habits that maybe numb you. Uh, you know, uh I'm a wine drinker, I don't mind putting it out there, yet I'm very aware of when I am maybe having a second glass, less so because I'm enjoying the wine, and more so because I just don't want to think about the things that I'm thinking about or that I need to think about. So the habits that numb or distract us are things we want to look at as opportunities to release.

Coach Wayne:

No doubt, no doubt. So, Stacy, before we go, here's a challenge to folks that's catching the replay or listening live. What are you willing to let go for 2026? What is loading your carriage and how can you lighten that load? What doesn't serve you anymore? And by the way, that includes something as practical as going in your closet and throwing stuff out, right? That you haven't worn in six years. So what are you? There's some closets like that. I trust me. What are you letting go?

unknown:

Okay.

Coach Stacy:

What are you letting go? And I declare, here's a declaration. I declare I'm allowed to begin again without dragging everything with me. Letting it go.

Coach Wayne:

Yep, yep. Stay, I think we have to share this a brand new year. The fact that we are available to help to guide folks in terms of their coaching. And you know, everyone has a coach of some sort. Sometimes we don't formalize it and call it that, but uh everyone's been coached, right?

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, at some point, and the reality is that um oft times we we need someone that will not only listen to us and ask us the right questions, but that will listen to us in a way that allows us to dig deeper into ourselves. And it's the digging deeper into ourselves, um, which I think a a good coach I have to um are very skilled at, that then helps us see something afresh in our own thinking, in our own way of being, um, that we can begin to address. So, uh, yes, you know how to reach uh Coach Wayne. Um, we always make sure that the information is in the show notes on both the audio podcast and the video podcast. Uh, you also know how to reach uh Stacy, Stacy, Coach Stacy, you know how to reach me at thestacymlewis.com. Most importantly, we want to make sure that you know about Wayne's free self-alignment assessment. It is still available and it's still a powerful tool, y'all. It's still a powerful tool. So that will also be in the show notes.

Coach Wayne:

And it's free. Free. That's the best part of it.

Coach Stacy:

The F-R-E-E. I think another um engagement step is if you identified either listening to the episode or after you listened to the episode and thought about what is that one thing you're releasing, please share it with us. Share it in the comments, the the DMs, um, or at least make a note of it in your journal so that you can keep track of what you're letting go with intention and without judgment.

Coach Wayne:

That's right.

Coach Stacy:

States, we'll do this again in a week. Absolutely. Remember, you don't have to do this reset by yourself. Coach Wayne and I are here, and we are cheering you on. I'm cheering you on, and Wayne. I'll see you at the top. Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne:

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy:

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.

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