Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Closed Doors, Open Windows

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson

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When the plan on your vision board doesn’t materialize, it’s tempting to bury the dream. We take a different route: revise the vision. Together we unpack how unmet expectations—at work, in love, or in personal goals—often hurt more than the events themselves, and we walk through practical ways to name the real emotion underneath the sting so you can move with clarity instead of shame.

We map the disappointment loop—unmet expectation, emotional dip, self-doubt, withdrawal, stagnation—and show you how to break it with a simple, powerful debrief: What happened? What did I expect? What did I learn? What do I choose next? From there, we explore reframing as a daily practice, grounding in faith when doors close, and the surprising gift of redirection. A closed door can be protection or preparation; either way, it can point you toward a better, more aligned path.

You’ll hear candid insights on isolation, procrastination, and over-functioning, plus affirmations you can use right away: Even with my disappointment, I am not disqualified, and I release what was and I’m open to what can be. We talk about editing your goals to match who you are now, pivoting strategy without abandoning purpose, and building resilience with a supportive circle—coaches, mentors, and friends who help you choose aligned action over force. If you’re navigating midlife shifts, this conversation offers language, tools, and hope to turn setbacks into strategy and doubt into agency.

Enjoyed the conversation? Share it with a friend, subscribe for more midlife insights, and leave a review to tell us what you’re reframing next.

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
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🎩Wayne Dawson
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Coach Stacy:

What do you do when life doesn't look like what you prayed for, planned for, or posted on your vision board? When the job, the relationship, or the dream you thought would bring you joy instead leaves you questioning your purpose. Let's talk about it.

Coach Wayne:

You found the midlife revolution unleashed, the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy:

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, I'll tell you, no matter what kind of day or night or evening or whenever or whatever we're having, I'm having, when I hear that cool dub that introduces us, I'm all right. I love it. Stacey, what's up?

Coach Stacy:

Welcome, welcome, welcome back. Welcome to the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. I am your co-host, Coach Stacy M. Lewis. I'm a nonprofit executive, a midlife woman coach, a lover of God and his people. And I am so excited to be here once again with my partner in podcasting crime, Coach Wayne. Coach Wayne, what's going on?

Coach Wayne:

Hey, Stace, I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach. What I do, I help brothers navigate midlife so that their second half can be their best half. And Stacy, I'm excited. It's the season. Folks spend a lot of money, money that they don't even have, but it's the season for giving and for receiving and for planning ahead and for reflecting and looking at the vision. And sometimes, Stacy, sometimes we don't need a burial when the vision hasn't come alive. What we need is a revision. What do you think?

Coach Stacy:

I I actually love it. Uh, thus the title of today's episode: When the Door Closes, look for the window. We spend a lot of time uh reflecting and thinking about what went well, what didn't go well, all of that, which is so important. But we want to remind our listener that this is really the time to pay attention, even to how you're looking back. And you're absolutely right. The vision may not need a burial, maybe it just needs a little resuscitation or something like that.

Coach Wayne:

That's right. And you gotta know that being honest and truthful is where it all begins. That means let us name what it is that we're that's that's that we're looking at. We have to become aware. So when we wanna, when we wanna, we gotta name it, Stacey. We gotta name it. We gotta name the thing and the feeling so that we can begin to do the work and either redefine or define it differently. So, you know, that's where the healing happens.

Coach Stacy:

You know, Coach, I think we um let's do a little setting of the stage, so to speak. And so today we're really talking about um unpacking how to handle the discouragement, the disappointment, maybe, as we reflect, uh, how to handle those things with grace. To your point, Coach Wayne, how to identify the root causes of those disappointments and those discouragements, uh, how to reframe that failure uh into feedback, and how to create space for renewal. So let's we set that stage. Now let's dive on in, Coach Wayne. You were talking about identifying the root causes. So yeah.

Coach Wayne:

There are times when we are in a space, and I know for a lot of people that this time of year, these holidays, especially at the end of the year, the Thanksgiving, Christmas season holidays, for a lot of folks, it's reflective, but it also brings back an energy that's down for folks, disappointments, um, losses, and and so there are times that we go through it and our mood becomes the way, you know, whereas we're just feeling sad and down and and at a loss. And unless we and and we give we attribute the season to this thing. So we say, oh, when Christmas comes, we're sad. And partially that's because we haven't stopped to to name it, to own what it is, so that we can then separate it from the season itself and deal with the thing.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah, it's it's important to name a thing, right? You can't reveal, you can't hear what you don't reveal. Uh, sometimes that disappointment is really less about the event, to your to your point, the the holiday season um or that thing that happened, and the disappointment may be more about the expectation that we attached to it. Um, really looking at what what did we expect when we implemented that activity, or when we uh planned for the promotion at work, or when we looked really to engage a new lever in our business? What was our expectation? Um, what was our expectation of that individual that we're in relationship with, or those people, right? The family, even that we're in relationship. Is it really the disappointment about the event, um, about somebody's behavior, or about how the uh the business lever didn't operate or or result in the end? Um, or is it more about the expectation that we attach to it? And is that what we really need to reflect on and move forward from?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, you talk about that expectation. Yeah, we we become storytellers and we tell ourselves the most important story, right? The one that we believe in, it shapes our belief system and uh impacts the way that we perform. And so sometimes, you know, we may have a belief that because we were supposed to put an addition on our house uh by December, but the folks who are putting together the bricks or whatever, the door, they are on go slow. So it doesn't happen December. It's gonna happen anyway. We start saying that we didn't come through, we start feeling depressed, we start feeling like we lost, that we promised you know, our our partner that we would have this done, the extra stuff that we said. And and because we we have a flawed expectation and we're not willing to see outside of the box and give ourselves grace, we wind up beating ourselves up. And so we're saying it doesn't have to be like that, Stacy.

Coach Stacy:

It doesn't. This really is a great time for us to retrain our brain um to reflect well, to reflect from a place of possibility uh and not from a place of failure or judgment. And so uh, you know, one question you can ask yourself is what specific expectation didn't get met? What what was that expectation? Um what did I expect to happen, right? When when the uh when that addition on the home uh was supposed to be fit, what what did I expect? Um, you know, what did I expect as I overperformed at work? What what did I expect and and how did that not get met?

Coach Wayne:

And to name the emotion that's underneath this this feeling, this disappointment, um, is it shame? Is it anger? Is it sadness? Is it fatigue? Name that emotion because now if you you know, like a doctor, if there's no, if you have a symptom but no diagnosis, there's no real treatment. So if you want to treat this, right, Stacy, we gotta do a little doctoring on ourselves with the emotion.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, a little, yeah, absolutely, right? We do believe in self-coaching as well. Sometimes you have to just really examine uh yourself in a way that doesn't come with judgment, but that comes with the reality or the authenticity of really deeply naming something, not just saying, oh, you know, I'm disappointed. But what what does that really mean? You know, that I know do you use Wayne in your coaching practice? Do you ever use the emotions wheel?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, I do.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, right. And it is that idea that we use these surface words, so to speak, right? The words that are on the the outside or the periphery of the wheel, um, when those words really do have deeper meanings. And so I love that you talked about naming it. Um, you know, is it sadness? Is it shame? I mean, that's shame. Ooh, especially, I don't know how it is for for men, uh, but for women, you know, shame can can really manifest itself in different ways. And so it is important to name a thing a thing, uh, so that we can really begin to move forward.

Coach Wayne:

Now, full transparency, as we talk about that, I realized that a lot of the feelings that I had, and I would call them, you know, frustration and other things. When I started understanding the wheel, I realized that at the bottom of that were some unsettled anger. And that anger in therapy, I found out had to do with uh the loss of my father, yeah, and and the relationship I had with him. Great guy, but there were certain things that I didn't quite connect with, and it kept me uh a little bit agitated, which looked like other things, but it was anger. And when I was able to deal with that, boy, I was sailing much better. So let's let's do that. Let's look at uh affirming, you know, even in our disappointment, have an affirmation that says, hmm, even with my disappointment, I'm not disqualified. You're still in the game.

Coach Stacy:

I I really like that. Even with my disappointment, I am not disqualified. I think you're absolutely right. It is countering what can cause us to reflect negatively, to reflect poorly. It's countering that um with the opportunity to reflect well or positively um and really begin to dig deep into that reality and confront it with the truth, right? I I'm not discounted. Yes, I was disappointed and or maybe I was a little discouraged for a moment, but that does not take me out of the running. We still got a lot of life to live, we got a lot of impact to make, Wayne. Gotta keep moving.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and you know, we're talking about roots, the root of disappointment. Uh, it shows up. How does it show up? Sometimes it shows up in just uh us turning away from a thing, not facing it. So we may just just drop the ball on it, uh, procrastinate, take a while to get started because we don't want the the the real real the disappointment that we perceive, yeah. And so we just don't get it done, or it may be we isolate ourselves to avoid the disappointment. And I know a lot of times for me, more and I'm being so transparent today, um isolation. So, you know, when you're an entrepreneur and you're working primarily uh online, remote work, it's easy to get caught up and blame the I'm busy, but sometimes when I I'm not sure if I'm getting all the things in place that I promised myself, and so I'm beating myself up, I don't show up. I miss appointments just so that I could get work done. I'm overworking and I'm isolating myself. And so that's one of the things that we got to be careful of, find out what the loop is.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah, digging, digging deep is is really important. Um, I don't know, Wayne. I I've not used the disappointment loop, uh, but I believe it to be a really uh impactful way of thinking, right? The loop is really what is the unmet expectation? And how does that begin to cause maybe an emotional dip? Or to your point, maybe that isolation or that procrastination? How does that emotional dip then cause self-doubt? How often in discouragement or disappointment do we find ourselves in the spiral of self-doubt? How does that self-doubt then take us into withdrawal, as you were talking about, right? That isolation. And then how does that withdrawal from our life, our possibilities, how does that put us into a position of stagnation? So that disappointment loop is unmet expectation, emotional dip into self-doubt, into withdrawal, into stagnation. Um, really examining kind of how how we move through sometimes disappointment and discouragement, so that we can then begin to find our ways out of uh that disappointment loop.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and it's funny because uh the loop is really saying it's um it's almost prophetic, right? You you own the thing and start seeing yourself as the disappointment. So, hey, I'm no good at this because I was disappointed, and and therefore your performance is is on the par. So you actually manifest the disappointment once again, because now you're performing less than you can optimally because you believe that to be true, and this is part of the loop. Um, Stacy, when when we start getting to this opportune age, the golden age of midlife, and we start aging, but more importantly, saging, we it's so important that our self-concept and self-esteem stays whole because we then start defining the rest of our life based on the past, oftentimes. You know, we measure what has occurred, and if it's something that we missed out on, we could say, Well, I'm not good at this, and therefore we don't give ourselves a second shot at it, if that makes sense.

Coach Stacy:

Oh, it makes complete sense. Um because in that stagnation, as you were, you know, just talking about, um we forget that we're still changing, we're still evolving, and we just kind of stay there, the place you just described. Um in a couple of episodes ago, we talked about um the self-concept, the midlife review um of the self-concept and um applying our renew strategy to really exploring your self-concept. And one opportunity when dealing with discouragement and disappointment is really asking yourself, you know, am I trying to live yesterday's dream in today's reality? So it really gives you that opportunity to to assess, right? From from again, not a place of judgment, but from a place of compassion and reality that says, okay, is that is that really is that still today's dream, or is is that yesterday's dream or yesteryear's dream um that I'm really trying to bring forward, and maybe it's time for it to be put away.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, yeah. You're speaking to what we're gonna touch on next, which is reframing and we live by narratives. Every one of us has a story. And uh Tony Robbins talks about this. He says, What story are you telling yourself? You can tell yourself an empowering story or disempowering story, but there's always a story. And some of us are better than others to convince other people to fall in place with the story that we give and tell for ourselves. But what if we were able to reframe the stories that we have carried that no longer serve us so that they can leverage us and launch us to a second half, as I like to put it? What if we can reframe the narrative so that it empowers us?

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I'd I'd love it. I think I think the reframe is critical so often. The reframe should be a daily practice. Uh, so often our thoughts take us down the road uh of either negativity or self-judgment or discouragement. Um but but how often can we take those opportunities daily uh to to do that reframing? And um, you know, one of the things I've used in my practice is that disappointment debrief, right? What happened? What did I expect? What did I learn? Right? What what did I learn, or what can I learn, and what do I choose next? It really is important to take ourselves through a process that end result is what's next? What's what's the what's the new point? What's the new horizon, the new possibility?

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, I love your disappointment in debrief because the fourth stage of it is what do I choose next? And so when we talk about choice, what we're saying is you have the agency. Listening into us, we're not prescribing something that somebody else outside has to do for you. We're saying that you're capable of doing for yourself because at the end of the day, you have full agency around the decisions you make and therefore the results and status that you have. So emotionally, this holiday season. If you're having a sad season or a season of disappointment, go back and look at some of these stages and see what you can do because you have full agency to become and do.

Coach Stacy:

Yes. Yes, we do have agency. And part of that agency is that self-accountability, right? That reminder that, okay, this was the decision I made, or this was the action I implemented. And this was my expectation. And here's how my expectation wasn't met. And yet we want to continue to move forward. Here's what I've learned. Here's what I can do next. Um, you know, being rooted in in faith, you know, remind I'm always, always going through Romans 8, 28 in my mind, that all things, not just the good things, uh, but even the bad things, all things work together for the good of them who love the Lord. And so it for me that helps as a grounding that even when it things don't go the way I planned, even when the door has closed, you know, to look for the window, because all things are working together for my good, because I love the Lord.

Coach Wayne:

I like how you brought that around, Stacy. You know, even when the door closed to look for the window, sometimes the disappointment that you think you're dealing with is actually a Godsend. It's a way of protecting you, it's a way of preparing you. Sometimes you think you're ready, but you truly aren't. You ask somebody to marry you, and they said no, you may have been saved some pain right there, my brother or my sister. You know, the most high sees before you do and understands, and so you may have been having a moment, right? A moment, an emotional or a physical moment, and that no, you better thank God for it because if you're seeing it as a disappointment and you could see farther, you may realize that this was a no-go, bro. So, yeah, Stace. And so we have to sit back and think about the disappointment in another way because listen, it may be a closed door, but it opened up a window. You know, Stacey, I'll say this real fast. In the past, when um Ojo and I would do some work with folks around couples, uh, it was informal kind of work, but we'd be chatting to folks on the phone, and they would say stuff like, Um, you know, I'm I'm still kind of seeing this person because there is nobody out there, and we would say, Stop blocking your blessing. Because what it meant was you didn't close the door fully to allow a window to open up for somebody else to come through, right? So sometimes you're holding on to that thing that already you know is disappointing, and because of that, you haven't had the opportunities that God has laid down and is waiting for you to be fully delivered. Makes sense, yes.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, the reality is that same principle uh happens in our work life, it happens in our businesses where we hold on to something because we are afraid to let it go. Whatever that narrative is that we're telling ourselves, right? We want the door to close. We want the next opportunity, the next business growth, the next employment opportunity, the next promotion. We want that. Yet we haven't really prepared ourselves for it. We haven't really allowed whatever that door is to close so that the next opportunity can present itself, so that the window can open. And to your well-articulated point about sometime that rejection being protection, it can also be that preparation, right? That that like how what can you do right now where you are with that discouragement, that disappointment, that learning to then be prepared for that window to open as you close the door or allow the door to close. Sometimes, you know, the door gets forced, it gets slammed, and it catches us off guard. Uh, and if that's what has brought on the disappointment or the discouragement, be encouraged because this is really another opportunity for you to then reset, prepare, and relaunch.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. I was uh thank you for for that connection, Stace. I was uh reflecting, uh, and and I realized that in my own life, whenever I force things, force things, uh it never works out right for me. And I realized that when I move with faith, the power that I have doesn't require force. When I'm moving with faith, um it sometimes requires a challenge. But I'm saying when when you know God is behind you, there's a power there that doesn't require force. If that, you know, so so one of the things that um I would suggest to folks is to release what was and in terms of an affirmation and open and be open to what can be. I release what was and I'm open to what can be, right? I'm letting go of what was and I'm open to what can be. Yes, affirmation.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, that is a beautiful affirmation, and as we talk about opportunities to take that affirmation and begin to really rebuild our resilience to take all that we've learned in the disappointments, in the discouragements, as we have reframed, we've understood the root, we've reframed the narrative, and now it's opportunity to rebuild or build a new level of resilience. Um, I'll refer again to that episode, uh, a couple of episodes. We'll put it in the show notes. Um, but that opportunity to do a midlife self-review. Are your goals aligned with who you are now? Not who you used to be. What are those real opportunities to couple those learnings from all of those past things, discouragement, successes, challenges, disappointments, to bring all of that learning into what do I know now that I didn't know then? And how does that allow me to begin to move forward?

Coach Wayne:

And then resilience is not just on you. Don't think it's a burden, something that it's all about you. That's why you have people in your corners and people you can invite into your corners. A coach, myself, um, mentors, you know, a good listening ear from a friend or a colleague who is non-judgmental. Uh, these are part of your toolbox in terms of the resources that you have when it comes to your resilience to bounce back, to build, to move forward. And I would suggest to folks that you look around and see where you have some of those um supports.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah, I I love that and just reflected on something you said earlier about the striving, right? Um, kind of moving forward in our own will and determination in ways that uh may not incorporate or bring to light our faith and and what we're doing in partnership or relationship with God is so important to then moving into this different level of resilience. So I was just I was listening to you and really just reflecting on that point about not striving, but really moving forward purposefully. Um and in the value of the relationships that you just talked about, whether it be a coach, a mentor, uh, a trusted partner, um is really someone that can then promote your moving forward without striving, but doing so in alignment with who you are now, who you are called to be, with what your values are, with what your vision is. Um I just I was really all of that goodness is swirling around in my head.

Coach Wayne:

And Stace, here's a call to men, my brothers, my brothers. Get out of the man box. Disappointment doesn't mean failure. Disappointment doesn't mean it's the story, whole story of who you are, your outcome. All it is is a feedback to say if the door is closed and you can't go that away, go that away. You know what I mean? Go through the window, go somewhere else. It's probably a gift to just tell you stop wasting time and energy right here and go somewhere else. So I'm gonna invite my brothers and sisters, stop holding on to all that stuff yourself. You don't have to carry that load, let it off and share it because sometimes somebody's holding another door open for you, but only if you would ask.

Coach Stacy:

That is so good. Uh, I not that women are in the man box for sure, um, but it is that that we realizing um that every disappointment is is it's not the end of the road. Um for women, we often find ourselves, in particular in seasons of disappointment or discouragement, we find ourselves functioning, doing, not really being, but doing, um, in order to avoid the pain or to not really deal with the pain of the discouragement, the disappointment. So we just over function, we just keep going, and it really is an opportunity to invite rest. And as we're talking about reflecting well, to do so, to really reflect on as we've outlined in this episode, um, you know, what what is the real feeling, what is the root cause, uh, and always an opportunity to show ourselves grace to get out of that pattern of overfunctioning and really step into a pattern of acknowledging the pain, the source, the disappointment, the discouragement, of moving through it, of learning from it, inviting grace and moving forward.

Coach Wayne:

And Stacy, you know, let's be clear your goals aren't etched in cement. Your vision board, you can always edit, you can always erase, you can always redo, you can always repurpose, remodel, reframe. So, what we're suggesting is that during this season, uh our uh seasoned folks, when you look back, and there are things that never happened on somebody else's timeline, usually, on somebody else's uh expectations that you have made your own, you can always change that. You can always sit back and renew the vision so it's in keeping with your purpose, your identity, and your own values.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. I I agree with you on so many levels, and just reminding that the strategy is written in pencil. Yes, ma'am. In business, you know, the strategy, you lay out a plan, you figure out how you're gonna get there, you know, that goal is there, you know you want to reach that next financial mark or reach that next professional mark, um, or even personal accomplishment. But the how we're gonna get there is what often changes. It's impacted and influenced through uh life's, through life's experiences, through changes, you know, as they say in the streets, life be life in, right? And sometimes life jumps in there and it shifts your strategy. And that that open window that we're looking for is really our ability to respond to that shift in a way that says, okay, this is the area that that disappointment, that discourage, this is where and how it has shifted my strategy in order to move forward with this vision in a way that feels right and energizing and invigorating today.

Coach Wayne:

Yep. Stace, we're at the bottom of the hour. And sometimes, with all that we shared today, powerful I thought it was today, Stacy. And I'm so happy you were on this platform with me, energizing me so I could go wind up. But you know, because in the holiday season, sometimes we're distracted with all that glitter and glamour and stuff. But thank you for sharing the platform with me, Stacey. And and and and how can we have folks benefit from the wisdom and years of experience and staging that you offer stage, Stacey?

Coach Stacy:

Well, I will just remind that you know, sometimes the vision doesn't die, it evolves. And so allow it to evolve. Uh, those that are watching on LinkedIn and Facebook and YouTube and Instagram and all those lovely social channels, uh, you know how to reach Wayne and I. Um, and yet it is such an opportunity for us to really just share some tips, some tools, some knowledge, um, so that you can really move forward in this season. I'm trying to think, Wayne, if I have any homework, workplay, home play uh to assign to our listeners. But what I will say is that, you know, this is really a season to thrive. So whether it be utilizing the tools that Wayne and I have positioned, in particular that renew opportunity, uh, that renew framework in that midlife self-review episode, uh, really seize your opportunities to thrive, to grow, um, and to identify how you want to move forward um with power and purpose.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and stay it's up on the screen, but they'll also see it in the show notes uh or listeners, the easiest way to get to us on any of the platforms you're now listening to, just get up in there and DM us and say that you want to have a non-obligatory discovery call or just that get to know us call. Yeah, I also have this wonderful self-assessment, it's a powerhouse assessment that speaks the true true to folks who um, and this is particularly to the brothers, but I'll I'll do one for sisters too. I practice it on my wife. It's real, real Stacey. It's a self-assessment, and it really gets folks to take a look at where they are now, the gaps in terms of where they say they want to be, and then if they want to move farther, I can tell them how we can work together to make that happen.

Coach Stacy:

So I love it. I've been hearing some good things about this self-assessment, people. So jump on it. We'll make sure that that's also in the show notes. Uh, it is our heart's desire that you be encouraged uh as a listener of the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. Wayne and I are here to serve. Wayne, it is always a joy to occupy this space with you, these airways with you. And I don't know, you'll tell me where I'm gonna see you, but know that I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And Stace, I'll see you at the top.

Coach Stacy:

Until thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne:

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy:

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.

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