Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Your Old Labels Called; We Sent Them To Voicemail

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson • Season 3 • Episode 69

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Ever catch yourself living by a script you’ve outgrown? We dive into the quiet, stubborn gap between who you were and who you’re becoming, and we turn that discomfort into a clear, workable method for change. Instead of chasing new shoes or a new title, we walk you through a midlife self-review that updates your identity so your daily choices reflect your real values now.

We introduce the RENEW method—Reflect, Engage, Notice the gaps, Embrace change, Walk forward—and show how each step looks in real life. You’ll hear why writing things down creates clarity, how to invite honest feedback from people who want to see you win, and what to do when your self-perception doesn’t match how others experience you. We unpack limiting beliefs that harden into identity, and we offer language shifts, practical rituals, and small experiments to build new proof. Think release statements to retire old labels, affirmations rooted in action, and weekly reviews that keep you oriented toward your goals.

You’ll also learn how environment design and community shape sustainable change: choosing supportive voices, setting measurable targets, and knowing when to bring in a coach or therapist for the how. Along the way, we share candid stories from coaching midlife men and women through transitions at home and at work—parenting styles that needed an update, leadership habits that no longer fit, and the moment you realize the operating system must be upgraded.

If you’re ready to replace outdated narratives with aligned action, this conversation gives you tools you can use today, plus a free self-alignment assessment to jumpstart your review. Subscribe, share this with a friend who’s ready to evolve, and leave a review telling us which RENEW step you’re starting with—what’s your next brave move?

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
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🎩Wayne Dawson
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Coach Stacy:

Have you ever felt like you're living by an old script? Like the person you once were is still calling the shots, even though your needs, values, and dreams have shifted? What if the key to your next chapter isn't moving forward, but updating your self-concept so it reflects the woman or man you are today? Let's talk about it.

Coach Wayne:

You found the midlife revolution unleashed, the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy:

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne:

Stacy, what up? What it is.

Coach Stacy:

Coach Wayne, coach Wayne. It's always good to see you. How are you today?

Coach Wayne:

Doing great, Stacy. Great and amazing well. I'm feeling on top of the world. How are you today?

Coach Stacy:

I'm doing fantastic. It is a pleasure to be here always. And welcome to the Midlife Revolution Unleash, the podcast where we ignite those possibilities and empower you to live boldly. I am Coach Stacy, a midlife women's coach, a nonprofit executive, and a lover of God and his people. And I'm joined today by my most awesome co-host, Coach Wayne. Introduce yourself to our listener.

Coach Wayne:

Thank you, Coach Stacy. They call me the VIP coach. I'm Wayne Dawson, and I work with midlife men helping them navigate midlife so that their second half can be their best half. Stacy, we got a show today.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, we do. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. So let's hit it.

Coach Wayne:

Self-review.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, it's such an important time and such a great topic to talk about uh the midlife self-review, right? Really taking uh a little bit of an inventory of who we are right now and making tweaks, redefining ourselves as needed. So welcome to this episode.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, so often we walk around new purse, new shoes, new clothing, new car, but old self, old me and old you. We don't share that old self, that old self-concept. We're living in today, we're in yesteryear's self-concept, self-mask, and self-identity. So we are saying it is time during midlife. If it hasn't served you that old self-concept, it's time to ignore the past. It's time to not make the same old mistakes, take a review so that you can move forward. Let's hit it, Stacey.

Coach Stacy:

I love it. The reality is that um psychologists call it self-concept clarity, right? We it's a great time to look at ourselves and gain clarity about who we are now, what our values are now, so that we can really identify how we're gonna move forward into the next chapter, chapters, decades, strong, how we're gonna move into it uh strong. No more confusion, no more self-doubt, no more missed opportunities. We're trying to move strong people strong.

Coach Wayne:

And uh, Stace, it's always important, you know, if you are going to the doctor, we spoke about this before. If you go to the mechanic, you get an assessment, as it were. You take a look at where you are, you know. We are going to talk about your strengths, limitations, opportunities. You take a look at the real, real and determine what's useful and what you have to shed. Stacey, we're doing a little bit of house moving around, and it's a glorious opportunity, I tell my wife, to get rid of the old stuff. And if we can do that with the things we call our possessions, we certainly can do that with our self-concept and identity.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, I I love uh your analogies. It the getting rid of the old stuff can be a challenge, right? But we are here to really talk to you about ways to tackle that challenge. And you mentioned, you know, new car and then mechanic. I was at the mechanic today, you know, and the first thing they do when you're having a problem is they do a diagnostic, right? That's what they called it today, a diagnostic. And it's basically an assessment. How can we figure out what the real problem is? What's the root of the problem? And that's really what we're talking about. That's why a self-review matters. Uh, and from a um, you know, thinking about it from one of the scriptures that was implanted to me as a child, right? It's it's about being transformed by the renewing of your mind, right? Um, Romans 12, 2, uh just to make sure that we are renewing, that we're touching base every now and then, and renewing uh that concept of ourselves in a way that helps us move forward.

Coach Wayne:

So here's where we're gonna start off with the action for you. Take a look at ideas, beliefs that you carry around about who you are and what you're capable of. And is it serving you now as we speak in real time? If it is not, start thinking about or writing down what you need to let go of.

Coach Stacy:

Love it, what you need to let go of. Um, and one of those things often for us are those old labels. You talk about what's serving you now, is it serving you now, and really looking at some of the labels that we've assigned to ourselves and letting them go or letting them evolve in a way that is positive, um, you know, as opposed to focusing on those past labels, really looking at yourself as I'm still growing, I'm still becoming, I'm still evolving. And that is happening daily. Um, that's part of the renewal, right? The reflection of noticing these things.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey, you talked about renew. How about introducing to you, our listener, the fresh concept, a framework we call the renew self-review method?

Coach Stacy:

Yes, indeed. You just touched on the R, which is reflect. You talked about taking stock and really looking at um those strengths, those weaknesses, the values, the things that bring you joy. You mentioned the things that are not serving you, and really reflecting on those things and taking stock. That is the R in Renew. You want to go up next, Wayne?

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and maybe we ought to leave a little bit of a coaching tip for the reflect. And we would say, write it down, don't just leave it in your head. Uh, you know, sometimes we think we can hold it up here, but remember we're talking about midlife. So make sure we trying to say I haven't tried to say it, Stacy. I said it.

Coach Stacy:

You're right, you're right. Writing it down is a really helpful point.

Coach Wayne:

Put it on paper, folks. Yeah, it brings it clarity and it materializes and brings the concept to reality. Physicality takes place when you write it down. So do that, Stacy. The E in renew is engage, and uh that is invite trusted folks, right? Folks that are behind you, folks that have proven themselves to believe in you, folks that want to see you win, and invite them to participate in this process. Uh, ask folks, you know, am I am I doing all right? Are there things about me that I could update? You know, we do this with our technology. We're always updating, right? Otherwise, we are gonna be defunct if we continue to use uh uh software that's 1970. So ask your friends, family, spouse about helping you to get a real, real engage them in that conversation.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I think that reflect and engage are really connected because once you reflect, in particular on what some of your strengths are, maybe what some of your gifts are, what you believe your talents are, um, you get to engage in trusted people or with trusted people to see if that's how you're being perceived and received by others, if that's how you're being experienced by others. And if there's a disconnect, you you get the opportunity to identify it and say, like, am I okay with that disconnect? It's good for me, or that disconnect is maybe hindering me. And so it's something I need to be um, I need to pay more attention to. So um one of those questions could be, you know, what do you see in me now? Right now, you're married, I'm not. I don't know how that question would go over in the spouse world. Um, but I could imagine asking uh one of my good girlfriends, you know, this is what I'm seeing in me now. What is that in alignment with what you're seeing, how you how you're seeing me now, or and to really identify if there's some differences. What do you think about that, coach?

Coach Wayne:

No, I love that. And you talk about the spouse wor uh world. So Audrey is kind and and she breaks it gently to me, and so she will oftentimes offer me resolves in terms of changing my style, you know, my style that's gone through the door, especially, and I grew a lot as a father from those kinds of feedback from Audrey, because how I used to manage, as it were, and lead my children when they were three teens, teens even, and toddlers, needed to change in each area, right? Uh, each period. But I was that dad who had the blueprint, and I branded by stamping daddy here, this is how we do it. And when they didn't respond the same, because you know, I gotta tell you, you can't just lay out clothes for your teenager like you did when they were toddlers, right? It's not gonna work. You can.

Coach Stacy:

I don't know how that's gonna go over, but yeah, yeah.

Coach Wayne:

And so even dictating those kinds of things uh in the family, it's important to look at yourself in the past and figure out as a leader, as a part of a a tribe, whether it's at work or at home, how are you operating? Have you upped your operating system so that you can be current and be functional and efficient?

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, that's that's really good. And to to really be able to use that information, right, to improve the whole idea behind this self-review, this renewed self-review is to improve, to step into um your next chapters with with grace and power and presence and clarity.

Coach Wayne:

No doubt. So, Stacy, it must be said too, that you have to, when you ask folks for the real real, especially if you're talking to the elderly and kids, they hold back nothing, they'll tell it to you straight, right? Right, and so make sure that you don't bruise ego-wise easily. You gotta have the openness to receive and be willing to take the feedback, not so much as beat down and criticism, but truly feedback constructively so that you can make the changes you need as you go through this renewal system that we're sharing.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely, absolutely. Thus, why you should be asking trusted people, not people you're not sure are are are going to mind their words or what they say to you, or people that are going to take this as an opportunity to make you feel badly about yourself, right? Trusted people, I think, is is the key. And following um engage is to notice the gaps, right? That's the end here. Notice the gaps. Where does the the difference come in from what you're seeing, what you're experiencing, what you're holding dear, how you're living that out, and how others see that, how others are experiencing that, so that you can really reflect on that and re-make some adjustments.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and Stacy, the gap is usually an indication of a place where adjustments should and can be made. Because let's face it, you have your ideals and you have your your markers in terms of where you want to land. And so if you're landing short of that, there's a difference. That difference is the metric or the measurement or the thing that needs to be filled. Uh, pay attention to the gaps. When we look at strength, people use in business tools such as strength finder, you know, um 16 personality traits for personal stuff, uh, different forms of testing, right? Or assessments, but whatever it is that you use, even if it's not that formal. But if you're missing the mark, it's important to pay attention to the gap and see that as an opportunity to do some work on self. And again, Stacy, I'm not ashamed to say sometimes if the work behooves me, if it's too much, or if I've just not done it, a lot of times we know the what, we just don't know the how. Get involved with a professional, whether it's a coach or a therapist or someone else, to help to guide you through filling that gap.

Coach Stacy:

I totally agree. Um, we've said it before, you cannot heal what you don't reveal. And so you need to be able to identify the gap, call the thing a thing, right? Acknowledge the gap, and then really devise an approach that's going to work for you to modify the gap in the way you believe is going to help move you forward in this midlife season. So, you know, if if it was a financial gap and the goal was to make $10,000 this month and you only made $8,000 a month this month, you would know that that $2,000 gap, that's just this just glaring. It's easy to see. Here we're really talking about our mindset assessment, right? How we're feeling, thinking, experiencing ourselves, how we um conceive of ourselves, how we see ourselves. And so it's not, it may not always be so standout-ish, so to speak, as a $2,000 a month gap. But what it does have the opportunity to do, to use your word opportunity, is to it does have the opportunity to empower us in a way with that information to really move forward.

Coach Wayne:

And so a big part of this, Stacy, from what you're saying and what I suggested earlier as well, and we are on the same path, is you must know where you want to land. You must know where you want to be, right? So you must have an idea, a goal, a vision, a finishing point, or a place, we call it an ideal, just a place where you want to be. Because if you don't know, as you said, where you're moving forward to or where you're headed, you won't know if you have landed there or not.

Coach Stacy:

So you're absolutely right.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah.

Coach Stacy:

So very right. Right. Because we're all there's always a gap in in our lives, right? When to your point, when you've identified that goal, when you've identified those values, you're then gonna say, and where am I now in achieving that goal or in living out those values, right? You've already identified a gap, which is not a bad thing, it's a great opportunity. Um, so we really want to remind you to reflect, to engage, to notice the gaps. And now for E in the renewed self-review method, yeah, is to embrace change.

Coach Wayne:

What at embracing change, Daisy? That's that's a funny one because listen, most of us talk the talk a lot of times, but how many of us actually do the walk? Because change is difficult, change is taking you out of that comfort zone. We have had this in many an episode. You have to leave that comfort zone to get into that place of uncertainty and risk and sometimes discomfort before growth happens and change takes place. It's not easy, oftentimes, to get there. So we're suggesting that we learn, you learn to embrace that change, that discomfort, that uncertainty, if you want to see a difference in terms of renewal.

Coach Stacy:

Here, here, bang the gavel. I agree, and I'm the judge. Um, when you uh really realize what's no longer working for you, or what is not taking you in the direction that you desire to go, that you've gold to go, um you need to release what's not serving you, right? You gotta let that go. And that's that's change. Letting that go, whatever that thought is, whatever that narrative is that keeps playing in your in your head. Um you've got to make the decision to to let that go. And we recently did an episode about your words, about what you speak. And so we'll make sure that we include that in the show notes, a link to that episode, because it really is diving deeper about this idea of not of watching your words, of noticing your words, and then declaring new statements that are going to really uh be in alignment. You used that word earlier, be in alignment with not only where you are, but more importantly, with where you're going.

Coach Wayne:

Yes, Stace. Stacey I want to can we bust this up a little bit more, this change piece. Bust it. Let's bust it up because change is really just change is a verb, it's something, it's an action thing, it's not just uh an adjective. We got to do the thing. And so what holds us back oftentimes, I find in the coaching practice from changing is our what I call the limiting beliefs, the seasoned beliefs, it seizes you, it freezes you because you're holding on to a belief system that no longer serves you and usually is not even true. But but we hold on to it for whatever reason, and until we're able to let go and see another side of that belief that falls limiting belief, then everything else that falls beneath that stays the same. We have to change the belief system that doesn't serve us. In so doing, we'll change the way we think and and and speak words and do and be.

Coach Stacy:

I love that little bust up. The reality is uh I will add to that and say not only do those limiting or steeped in beliefs um cause us to stay right there, right? But they become part of our identity, right? And what we're talking about here is your self-concept, which is inextricably linked with your identity, with what you think about yourself, with how you see yourself. And those negative narratives, those limiting beliefs can define us, right? That uh I'm not enough or I'm not this, I'm always this. Those steeped in, they become kind of ingrained, right? We've talked about the record playing, and when it has a scratch, it just keeps playing over and over and over the same lyrics. And so, yes, I said record playing. Did you say record playing stays? I did I said record playing. Talk about going way back. And I I say it because it I always feel like it does such a great job of demonstrating, right? Because we're talking to our people, we're talking in particular to the midlife audience, and we certainly want to shout out our listeners that are in their 30s and their 40s and may or may not necessarily identify with the term midlife, but you know that this is a place where you can really glean some knowledge. We are dropping knowledge. We're saying that those limiting beliefs become ingrained and they define you. And we're really talking about doing this self-concept assessment, this self-review, so that you can really begin to identify the gaps that we just talked about. You can embrace the change that you need to embrace so you can W, W, W, walk forward, right? And renew. You can walk forward.

Coach Wayne:

There's some tidbits around walking forward that I think we could share. And one is uh first, in to walk forward, you have to release the old, right? Can't no looking back, and if you're looking back, it's simply just to inform you, but not to stay back there. So declaration of release statements, right, Stacy. We it's important to say, I no longer do this, or just to let go. We have to declare that release. Some folks do that in a symbolic sense. They write on a balloon and they release it, right? They put it on a piece of paper and they torch it to let go that thing, and uh, and to increase the moving forward, they do affirmation, for example, right? So that they are accountable to themselves.

Coach Stacy:

And that they are again going back to that episode um that we will share, that's talking about language. When you speak something, you hear something. And so you're to your point of affirmation and declaration, it is saying those things, right? You're writing them down for clarity and then saying those things so that that that statement is actually a step that is part of you walking forward. Um, you know, often we defer, I guess, to a negative statement, right? I I never get this right, or you know, I'm always the last to know, or you know, I'm I'm never smart enough to join the conversation. And that kind of negative narrative that we just talked about really hinders our ability to walk forward. And so what we want to do is shift that language in a way that is saying, you know, I'm not stuck. I'm figuring out how I'm gonna move forward, I'm figuring out my next step. I'm establishing a plan, you know, for my first marathon. Whatever that walking forward looks like for you, um, new words, new actions, new rhythms to really embrace this new self-concept.

Coach Wayne:

And remember, when you're walking forward, you want to reduce the risk as much as you can by the things that you have control over, your environment. You want to make sure that you have a supportive environment. You want to make sure that you have, and that includes the people, not just the places and things, but the people that you have in your circle. So get away from the naysayers, the folks who themselves are stuck in the 60s, right? That want to keep you there because Misra likes company. So as you renew yourself, you want to make sure that you are clearing the path ahead of you for the hurdles to get out of your way.

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. So I would ask of our um listener before we move forward, which of these steps feels easiest for you? Which one challenges you the most right now? We talked about our renew self-review and the R for reflect, the E for engage, the N for notice the gaps, the E for embrace change, and the W for walk forward. Let's really think about you know what feels easiest and what seems the most challenge. And we'll start to talk about uh how we bring this to life.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and just to be sure, man, uh let's the world is moving forward. You got to get with the times and move forward, not to say hate your older self, but uh love the current and newer self as much, if not more, right? You're gonna move forward. It's all about progress, folks.

Coach Stacy:

All about progress. And I would add that, you know, the reason this matters now is because both Wayne and I, as coaches and as individuals, as people involved in various communities, see the impact of someone living in an outdated self-concept and how that really um holds them back or present challenges. And thinking about resources, Wayne, you actually have a resource that I believe kind of fits right in with this that we'll make sure again is in the um in the show notes. But tell us a little bit about that self assessment, Wayne. We really Want to give give our listener tools to uh move things forward.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, it's a uh it's an authenticity call, so to speak. It's a self-assessment that has several dimensions in terms of looking at how you function, and it really gives you a breakdown, and you're wording it, as it were, in terms of your strengths, it helps you to look at and it repeats it in different ways so that if you kind of lied to yourself, it catches you back up, and it's pretty short, but at the end of it all, it tabulizes in a group score where your strengths are and where opportunities may be, and so you can with your own uh knowledge base be able to interpret and have a sense of the what. Now, Stacy, I'll be very transparent. I I it's it's there is sort of a by signing up on this, you're allowing me to see the results. And when I see the results, right, I can also do a deep dive with you with a discovery call if you want to go even farther and figure out strategies of how to move that way.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, I think I think that's that's excellent. Um, certainly you're providing an assessment and then yourself as a resource to just begin to talk out uh the results of the assessment. And so um we really want to be of of service here. And so I strongly suggest to our listener to take Coach Wayne up on this free self-alignment um assessment so that you can really use the tools that are uh available to you to begin to look at your self-concept. We really worked on um providing you with a bit of a framework to do so on your own. Yet, if somebody's already created an assessment tool, I don't know, why not use it? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Stace stays. How do the good people find ya? Well, Wayne, you know, I can be found. Before we get to I Can Be Found, I just want to make sure that we give some takeaways and maybe just a little bit of uh playwork. We won't give you homework or home play or something like that. We don't want it to be too heavy. Um, but remember, you know, who you were is not who you are, is not who you have to be. And as we age and sage, um, we want to give our self-concept that opportunity to evolve and grow and change with us. We talked about uh the renewed framework. You know, remember, take some take some time. Wayne talked about the value of writing it down, to write things down, whether that be in a letter to your younger self about how your values have shifted, or whether that just be really just doing a quick bullet journal on your strengths, your struggles, your values, your joys, and thinking about and talking through with a trusted person um how how you came to these these outcomes and and how they might see you to really um move forward in evolving your self-concept.

Coach Wayne:

And with all of that, Stacy, uh, we need to use our, you know, there's one nation that we're rulers of, and that is our imagination. So we need to be able to right to to just rule it with that and have a visual concept of where we want to be so that that self-concept can be lined up and in order.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, uh, yes, indeed. I would uh remind our our listener that your midlife self-review is not about looking at yourself as broken, it's about really seizing the opportunity uh for onward growth and improvement. Of course, if you would like a coach to walk through any of this with you, your self-review. Um I'm Stacy, you all know. Uh, I can be reached on all those social platforms, in particular on my website, the stacymlewis.com. I would be happy to chat with you through a connecting conversation about this and any other topic that is moving you forward.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and Stacey, before I even talk about email addresses, let me just say whatever channel you're watching or listening to, uh, feel free to just DM me, right? If if that's available to you easily, DM me the word assessment, and I'll get an assessment out to you, right? And you can go to VIP transformative living dot com. You'll see all my handles right there, email address, everything. Holler at me.

Coach Stacy:

Holler at he. Uh, we are always making sure that our contact information is in all the show notes on all the podcast players, on LinkedIn, on Facebook, on YouTube, on in all those good places. It is our joy, our deepest joy, and our humbling uh service that we are here talking and sharing, hopefully giving you gifts to glean and grow. Um, we are forever grateful for our Midlife Revolution Unleashed community.

Coach Wayne:

I'm turning the lights out and we are gonna be out of here.

Coach Stacy:

Lights out. Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne:

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy:

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.

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