Midlife Revolution Unleashed

Verbal Judo: Flipping Self-Talk From Sabotage to Success

• Stacy M. Lewis & Wayne Dawson • Season 3 • Episode 63

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Coach Stacy's Word SHIFT Worksheet

Coach Wayne's Purpose Self-Assessment

Words shape reality. That simple yet profound truth is the foundation of this transformative conversation about the hidden power of language in midlife. From the moment we wake up, the dialogue in our heads creates the foundation for how we experience our day—and ultimately, our lives.

As coaches committed to midlife transformation, we've witnessed firsthand how shifting from limiting to empowering language can unlock whole new dimensions of possibility. Think about it: when you say "This is harder than I thought" versus "I can do hard things," you're not just describing your experience differently—you're actually creating a new experience. The first phrase reinforces limitation while the second opens the door to growth.

The science backs this up. Research shows that our brains physically respond to the words we use, creating neural pathways that either support or undermine our goals. When we consistently speak words of possibility and capability, our brains begin to operate in alignment with those beliefs. It's not "fake it till you make it"—it's about programming your mind for the future you want to create.

Beyond our internal dialogue, we explore how the language around us—in music, media, and conversations—impacts our energy and outlook. Whether you realize it or not, the words you consume are either fueling your midlife revolution or keeping you stuck. We offer practical strategies for becoming more intentional about these influences, including simple language shifts that create profound changes: "I'm stuck" becomes "I'm in transition," "I'm not enough" transforms to "I am beloved and worthy."

Ready to harness the transformative power of words in your own life? Download Stacy's free Word Shift Worksheet from the show notes, try Wayne's self-assessment tool, and begin consciously creating the midlife reality you truly desire. Your revolution starts with the very next words you speak to yourself.

Subscribe @CoachStacyMLewis and @CoachWayneVIP

💃🏽Stacy M. Lewis
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Coach Stacy:

Think about the last words you spoke to yourself this morning. Were they words of encouragement or quiet sabotage? Here's the truth. Words don't just describe your reality, they can create it. And in midlife, the words we choose can either reinforce stuckness or unlock a whole new chapter. Let's talk about it.

Coach Wayne:

You found the midlife revolution unleashed the space to embrace your wisdom, reignite your passions, and move boldly into what's next. I am Coach Wayne, the VIP coach.

Coach Stacy:

And I'm Coach Stacy M. Lewis. We're here with insights, stories, and strategies to fuel your midlife journey. So take a breath, lean in. Your revolution starts now.

Coach Wayne:

Hello, Miss Stacy.

Coach Stacy:

Good evening, ma'am. Wayne, good day.

Coach Wayne:

I am Coach Wayne, your VIP coach. I work with black men helping them to cross the threshold of midlife so that their second half can be their best half. And I am with the wonderful coach Stacy M. Lewis.

Coach Stacy:

Hi, Stacey. We're gonna get some sound effects, Wayne, one day. Welcome back to the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. It is exciting to be here. I am Coach Stacy, and today we are driving into the hidden power of words. How the language that you use every day, whether talking it out loud or thinking it in your head, can influence your emotions and ultimately direct the course of your life. Wayne and I talk about words all the time. So this is gonna be a great episode.

Coach Wayne:

You know, Stacy, back in the day when I was in school, if I came home and I told my mother that somebody called me names and jeered me, she would say, Words, sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can't hurt you, right? And mommy, rest in peace. Words do have impact. Words can build and words can destroy, words can hurt you.

Coach Stacy:

They really can. And and clearly, uh, while I we don't believe our mothers knew each other, they certainly said some of the same things. And one thing my mother did say as well is that whole sticks and stones. Um, but it sounds like uh we want to say good evening to Delane. I imagine that she uh can agree with us. Welcome, Delane. It's always good to have you here at Midlife Revolution Unleashed. My mother was very much uh a woman of strength, and she my childhood and myself as a as a person, we just are very different personalities. And so, yes, the idea that what someone said would hurt you was not necessarily an idea that she really embraced, but it's so true that words can hurt. I know that their their desire was to really strengthen us internally, and yet the reality is that words can hurt, words are powerful, and so we want to really talk about um how we can use words in ways that uplift us uh and not tear us apart.

Coach Wayne:

That's so true, Stacy. I know that oftentimes we say things to folk, and there's an old saying that uh once you release the word, you can't take it back. And so it is so important that, and tonight we're not just talking about the words that we render from our mouths to other people, but the words that we are thinking, because we think in terms of words, right? So, what we're thinking in terms of how we talk to ourselves, that's very important when we talk about hurting ourselves, we talk about building ourselves, we talk about tearing down ourselves. So if you're listening in today, we will definitely challenge you to look at how you come across using your words and how you might be intentional in choosing more impactful words to deliver the message and the feelings that you want to land. Absolutely.

Coach Stacy:

There is so much to say about words, um, you know, and we're reminded that we need to be very intentional about what it is we speak and what it is we're saying to ourselves. And I think a very easy shift, um, one that was very recent for me, uh, was acknowledging that something is hard, right? And I kept saying in my head, oh gosh, this is harder than I thought it would be. This is harder than I thought it would be. And at a point, um, you know, I was reminded of my own agency and authority to say, I can do hard things, right? So it's like, yes, it is harder than I thought it would be, and I can do hard things. And for me, that was a little bit of self-motivation, right? Changing the words that I was using. And I think that we can all ask ourselves, you know, as coaches, Wayne, you and I are always looking at questions that we can share with our listener to really uh challenge themselves in these areas. And one is what phrases are you repeating that reinforce a limitation? Right. And so that was my example of, you know, this is harder than I thought, right? It's reinforcing the limitation of something being difficult and changing that into I can do hard things, um, is just one opportunity or one way to shift language. What do you think about that, Wayne?

Coach Wayne:

You know, that's very powerful. The way that you phrase that. If you say uh in the way of the words you use, if you said I can do hard things or I'm up for the challenge, knowing that something is difficult, it's a much more powerful way of adding possibilities to something by giving it, I am up for the challenge versus saying this is too difficult. You're expressing just about the same thing, but saying I'm up for the challenge gives you a sense of possibility. And here's the other part about words, Stacey. When you say something, you then need to believe in it, sort of to give gas to the pedal. So if you say the word, you also want to believe in it so that you can then follow through with congruent action and behavior.

Coach Stacy:

I agree. This may come up again, yet our reality is that when we say something, when we speak something, we also hear it. And so um, I hope that that Bill is joining us this evening and he would agree that when we say something, we also hear it. So it is really important for us to be more intentional about our words.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, and Stacy, language just simply it doesn't describe reality, it also creates it.

Coach Stacy:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely right. There's a lot of um we we talked about uh kind of skipping over or not really diving deep into the fact that words have energy. Um, yet the reality is that um they do. Words have energy. And so we're not we won't get into the science of vibration, but just acknowledging, thank you for agreeing with me, Bill. Just acknowledging that the words that we speak have energy, I think is important for us to remember. And the one word, you know, kind of one example, right, is when we use the word overwhelmed. I'm so overwhelmed. That's not just a word, that is then a feeling. And it's a feeling that we're also emoting, that we are giving out. And so we want to be really mindful of our words and the energy behind our words.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, that's powerful. You know, oftentimes when we go to look at, let's say you want to pick a restaurant and you're looking at Yelp, you're looking at the feedback, everybody scored a 4.5 or a five. And so they're excellent restaurants. And what makes the difference is how people phrase their experience at the restaurant. If somebody said, for example, it was a nice restaurant, the food was good, and somebody else said it was amazing, and we had supreme food. Which would you pick?

Coach Stacy:

Right, right, right. It's a great example, a great comparator. Right. I I definitely want a great experience, I want the supreme food.

Coach Wayne:

Uh yeah, so yes, yes, so what they have by by the way of their words, Stacy, they have emitted an energy about their own experience that reaches the reader, and now you're also experiencing a similar vibe. And and here's the word we talked about vibe. Don't we say that loosely? Feel your vibe, right? Somebody talks to you and you and you say somebody's talking to you, and you say, We vibing.

unknown:

Right?

Coach Wayne:

Right.

Coach Stacy:

That goes back to that that idea of words, right? Words, sound is vibration. Um, and so we we connect, I think, and when we're talking about sound and vibration and the use of words, it also comes up in media. So you used a great example with food reviews or restaurant reviews. Um, so often we are listening, or some of us are listening to music and media that is bombarding us with words that are not fueling us, that are not uplifting us, but that are uh either tearing us down, or I don't know, Wayne. Sometimes I'll listen to a song, you know. I have teenage, well, they're now 20-year-old, um, but nieces, and you know, sometime I'm listening to the music and I feel like I'm being attacked. I feel like I'm being assaulted, and it is not right. So now it's playing, you know, on a device. So clearly they're not in my face, they are not touching me, but my goodness, the words that are going into my ears that are being absorbed by my spirit, I'm telling you, I feel like I've been assaulted sometimes.

Coach Wayne:

Stace, you're you're on the money there. Music is so powerful, and the way music oftentimes works, it's working at you at a subconscious level because you're simply just just in the in the mode, as it were, and the vibrations are hitting you from both the rhythm but the sounds and what's being said. Listen, one of my favorites is our own Jamaican Robert Nesta Bob Marley. And Stacey, whenever I'm driving or wherever I am, and I hear get up, stand up, stand up for you right. You can't help but get up, stand up, and start feeling the vibe, right? You can't help because the message is telling you and commanding you, as it were. And so a lot of people, Stace, to your point, they tune into songs that are beating them up, and it's incidental, it's just in the background, but it's truly tuning into your psyche.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, absolutely. And and and Bill is clearly on a comedic role tonight, and he says, you know how your parents said the same thing about Prince, like you need to take a shower after listening to Prince. Yes, indeed, I'm very familiar with that, as the late great prince was one of my faves. Um, but what I think about that um is that you mention Bob Marley, right? And when he says, could you be love? Right? Like that, it is that same use of words with the melody that then does something to you. And we just have to be very mindful, even in this seasoned state, that it doesn't mean just because we're seasoned, that we can listen to anything, that we can let anything in our ear gate that might not necessarily be there or be in a position or be words that are going to uplift.

Coach Wayne:

Stace, as we as we maybe we want to move to the next uh idea, but let me just say that I read some time ago about studies that spoke to the importance of talking to your baby in in while the baby was still in the womb, and that they saw that the baby responded. And when fathers did that, and when they read they uh they said that the babies came out much more alert and as it were um attuned and certainly connected with the fathers, right? And if you sung lullabies and spoke words of love for the baby, the baby was less fussy when they were born. Now imagine, imagine that in our mind we're saying this is an onborn in terms of to the real world, but yet because the baby has been bombarded with words of love and tenderness and care, the baby is less fussy.

Coach Stacy:

I'm I'm so digging that one because it really speaks to, and I I want to be careful about this word because of the connotation that can be received, but it's a bit of programming, right? We're programming the infant to know its parents' voice, to be moved, right, to to sense and even and I imagine as a fetus in water, right, in and fluid, right, that that vibration is really what's being experienced. And then to experience that vibration, to experience those sounds, um, once they come to this earth, um has is really a bit of programming. Get it, uh, is a bit of programming. And so, you know, it it means that we also have the opportunity to reprogram. So if we have been bombarded, right? Or if we need to take a shower after listening to too much prints, or if we've been listening, you know, to too much trap music, which I still don't really know the definition of that. Um, you know, we get we get to decide, we get to change, we get to reprogram what has taken place with the words that have come in.

Coach Wayne:

You know, Stace, here is something that is really interesting. The human being is called a person. When you break that up, it means persona, which means through sound. But but it means through sound. And uh we, when you think about it, we talk about our vibration and our levels. Uh, a lot of how we express is through sound. We we we we we speak to others, they receive it, and we function accordingly. You talked about reprogramming. Well, you can reprogram by, as it were, entraining the mind, which doesn't know the difference between, according to our scientists, between reality and fantasy. So if you tell through, say, affirmation or prayer or chanting, a certain repetition, the mind then starts apparently uh creating neurons that affirms or is congruent with what is being said. You know what I'm saying? So if you start saying, I am well, I feel healthy, I am you know wellness, if you say this long enough often enough, it is said that there is a physiological and a biological response. The brain actually has neurons that starts responding in the way of a healthy person versus saying, I am sick, if that makes sense.

Coach Stacy:

Oh no, it makes a lot of sense. As coaches, we're often talking about rewriting the narrative, right? Not the written narrative, but the mental narrative, the mentally spoken narrative that is playing in your mind. And so you are talking about really rewriting that, dismantling the lies and combating those lies, those negative narratives with truth, right? Scripture says death and life are in the power of the tongue. So, you know, God was very intentional about the power of the tongue, the power of our words. And what a great opportunity to, you know, to take anything to dismantle, right? I'm stuck into I'm in transition, right? It does it doesn't mean I'm where I want to be, but it means I'm on the way, as opposed to I'm stuck. I am, you know, enough as opposed to I'm not worthy or I'm not capable or I'm not enough. Um, we get to combat that, right? We get to you use affirmations. I often use declarations, you know, like I declare, I declare that I am enough, that I that my mind is sound. Oh, I could go on and on about that one. Go ahead.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah, I would say as a coach, choose an affirmation to dispel a powerless or impotent status that you hold to be true, a limiting belief about yourself or about something that you want to achieve. So if, for example, we just talked about health. If you truly want to start feeling better, you have to start shaping your mindset. And one of the more powerful things that we know how to do that with is by inducting your thinking into the whole of positive possibility with powerful words, affirmations.

Coach Stacy:

That was good. That positive possibility with powerful words, that was good. I totally agree with you. And I would say your your declaration, your affirmation can be so very simple. For me, the the recent declaration is I am beloved by God. And when you when for me, when I start to flip that or start to, you know, hear a message that speaks something different, I get to say out loud, you know what? I am beloved by God. And if I'm beloved by the creator, then there is no reason that this foolishness, this fear, you know, this shame, this whatever it is, can can stand in my way. And so let's, you know, remind ourselves that our subconscious listens to what you consistently declare. And and so these are we're really giving you some tools to uh to shift your words and and really use them as power.

Coach Wayne:

You know, the ancients who devised our language knew the power of words, the word grammar, grammar comes from, which meant to uh a book of magic, whatever that is, uh however you take that, and spelling as in to cast a spell. So when you spell, you are, and this sounds hocus pocus, but what they realized was that in the use of words and language, you truly could create reality or destroy it. Imagine, you know, uh not pointing fingers at any politicians, and but if you tell a lie open enough, everyone starts, even if you were there, starts believing it after a while, right? You start saying it over and over and over. And this is true when you also speak to yourself, as in the uh reprogramming that you just talked about, Stacy. If you reprogram yourself by repeating, they say fake it till you make it, telling yourself over and over what's possible for you.

Coach Stacy:

That's absolutely that's absolutely correct. I agree with you that that we neither of us believe in in hocus pocus, but to your point of using the the root words, I I thought that that was very interesting, right? Because sometimes you'll hear, at least in movies and in in settings, right, that oh, he cast a spell on me with with his words, right? Um, and so um, while again, we are not here to talk about hocus, pocus, and spells and magic. That is neither of our jam. Um, but what we are saying is that your words do have power and that you have the capacity to um make some practical language shifts. That's that's what I would say, right? That's what we're recommending. Make some practical language shifts so that the words that you're saying to yourself and the words that you're speaking out of your mouth, especially about yourself, are words that are uplifting you and moving you in the direction you want to go.

Coach Wayne:

Yeah. And I would say to folks, think about what sort of shift you want in your status. And whatever it is, if you want to lose weight, you have to tell yourself and put it, don't beat yourself up, be kind, give yourself grace, but speak in terms of a person who is thinking as one who has lost weight and own that personality, own that persona, and decide today where would you like to shift in terms of your reality by use of language?

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely, and I love that example, and you know, to couple with the weight loss idea or concept. Uh, the reality is that, you know, whenever I'm working on my weight, which is often, I am reminding myself or or deciding what language I'm going to use. Will I use the language I will never lose this next five pounds, or will I use the language that I'm on my way to losing these five pounds? And so those are daily easy decisions that we get to make. And as Delane said, we always live with hope because being hopeless is dangerous. Amen. Yes, amen. What uh Wayne, um, I there's one reference that we uh identify that we want to share, and it is Andrew Newberg's Words Can Change Your Brain. We're not endorsing the book, we know it to be a reference that um some of you may enjoy uh as you move through exploring opportunities to shift your shift your language.

Coach Wayne:

Stacey I happen to uh have just picked up something uh while we were getting sent. And this is a pretty good book for folks. It's um magic words by Jonah Berger, What to Say to Get Your Way. We're not talking about manipulating, we're talking about persuasive language.

Coach Stacy:

Ah, okay.

Coach Wayne:

And since we're always, no matter what the transaction is, we're always in a sales mode because we're selling ourselves always, right? Or an idea. Uh, it's a wonderful book that if folks want to pick it up, I would recommend it. Magic words.

Coach Stacy:

We will make sure that we put these resources that we have offered in our show notes so that you can all access them and in the comments under these live feeds. Um, because we want to make sure that we're equipping you and not just giving you uh throwing out terms or or titles and not making them available to you. Uh, Wayne, what would you say are a couple of key takeaways that you want to make sure our listener receives?

Coach Wayne:

Well, I wanted to add as a takeaway, but something else. In a time such as now where folks are feeling some uncertainty, we can reframe our reality with words that express freedom. Instead of saying that uh I don't know how because I failed, we can say I'm learning from the feedback, stuff like that. So I would say that think about in a time such as now where there's a lot of uncertainty, how you choose and rephrase words that are limiting to the way you see your reality is very important. Choose powerful words of possibilities.

Coach Stacy:

Possibilities. I I I really like that. And I will I will use that, and I appreciate that um coaching tip. I would remind that your language, your words is something that you should be very intentional about. And when you catch yourself using words or maybe assaulting yourself with your own words, uh you get the opportunity, you have the opportunity and the power, and now some tools to reframe, right? To shift that thinking, to shift those words. Um, we will make available in the show notes as well a uh word shift worksheet. Uh, because the idea there is that it's much easier than you can imagine. Um, there is great opportunity for each of us to be speaking life, not only to ourselves, but to others, because we are embodying that life. We're embodying what we Say. And we're embracing a path of exploration, of taking chances and doing so as we fuel ourselves with the right words.

Coach Wayne:

Love it, Stacy. What a way to go out. Stacy, is there anything the folks should know about Stacey M. Lewis, the coach, and how to connect?

Coach Stacy:

Absolutely. We always make sure that our contact information is in the show notes. If you are connected with both of us on LinkedIn or Facebook or YouTube, please don't hesitate to follow, to connect, to email, to message, to comment. We want to know what you have to say. And Wayne, what about you?

Coach Wayne:

Folks can get me through any of my social media handles by going straight to my site, which is VIP Transformative Living.com. If you're watching us, it's showing. But if not, it's as it's sounding, viptransformative living.com. And I'm happy and in the show note, I'm gonna also share with you a link for a free self-assessment that helps you with the what that may be getting in the way of your getting to the next level. And once you complete that, Stacy, uh, if you're open, I can sit with you, analyze it, and show you a strategy for the how to get out of it.

Coach Stacy:

That's good stuff. We will make sure that the resource of the assessment is in the show notes as well as access to the word shift worksheet. Uh, we wanted to make sure that you have everything you need to be a part of the revolution on this midlife journey. Wayne, I am always honored and grateful to spend this time with you.

Coach Wayne:

Same here, Stace. Uh, iron sharpens iron, they say. And so I look forward to our time together where we can serve others and uh be a blessing to each other. So thank you, Stace.

Coach Stacy:

Yes, thank you all for listening. You are the Midlife Revolution Unleashed. Let's go, Wayne.

Coach Wayne:

Bye-bye.

Coach Stacy:

Thanks for tuning in to Midlife Revolution Unleashed. We're grateful you're part of this journey.

Coach Wayne:

If you love this episode, share it, subscribe, and hit that notification bell so you don't miss another episode.

Coach Stacy:

I'm Coach Stacy, and I'm cheering you on.

Coach Wayne:

And I'm Coach Wayne, and I'll see you at the top.

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